I’ve talked a lot about the stressors of having three small kids, but there are actually a whole host of benefits as well. And I’m not just talking about the obvious ones, like “you love them” and “they give your life meaning.” No sirree, we are going much more shallow than that.
Without further ado, let’s review some of these cool bonuses that make your Caesarean scar (almost) worth it:
1. When you talk to your child-free friends, they act like you’re a cross between Sheryl Sandberg and Sally Ride.
You say, “Today we went to the post office.” And they say, with astonishment, “With your kids? You were able to take your kids and actually mail a package? Did you lose any of them? Wait, you took all three, even the baby? God, I can barely get myself to the post office.” It’s enough to make you feel smug, unless of course you’re stupid enough to admit that you did, in fact, lose one of them. (Only briefly!)
2. The bar for “fashionable” is set way lower … like on the floor.
When you’re single, nobody compliments your jeans unless they are new, well-fitting, and stylish. When you’re pushing a stroller, people compliment you for the very act of wearing jeans at all. “You look so great! I haven’t been out of yoga pants in four years! Do you have, like, a job interview or something?”
3. It takes much less to rock your husband’s world.
The same man who used to get bored with the same old lingerie now shows an embarrassing level of gratitude for a French kiss. And by a French kiss, I mean a handshake.
4. You’re never lonely.
Remember those days before kids when your boyfriend or husband would travel for work and you missed him so much? Now, you have multiple small mammals clawing at your extremities. Never alone! Never. Alone. Yup. Benefit, I tell you.
5. You make friends instantly.
Remember your super-high standards for female friends back when you were child-free? If she didn’t like The Office, The Notebook, HGTV, have a secret predilection for Young Adult novels, and enjoy art museums, it just wasn’t going to work out. Therefore, you had approximately three close girlfriends. Now if a woman has a kid your kid’s age, it’s on. You have 45 close friends and 100 people to ask for an opinion on your kid’s weird rash.
6. You have no false modesty.
After 24 hours of labor and 10 months of breastfeeding in public, never mind that time both your kids vomited in Chik-Fil-A, you are embarrassed by nothing. Bring that bikini on!
7. If you jog with a stroller, people act like you’re Flo Jo.
“Wow, I could never do that!” Yes, you probably could run on a flat surface at approximately 3 miles an hour, but I’ll take the compliment. I’ll also stop to talk to you, because honestly, I’m getting a bit winded.
8. Your kids get complimented all the time on how adorable they are, and that they look just like you!
Does the ego-stroking never end? You know, you are pretty darn cute, if you do say so yourself.
9. You no longer feel guilty for not getting things done.
All you have to say is, “She was fussy all day. I just couldn’t put her down!” People give you a bit of a strange look when your daughter turns 6, but don’t let that bother you.
Even the most serious-minded pessimist can’t keep a straight face when a toddler says, “I do my booty dance!” Or, “I marry Daddy, not you marry Daddy.” Or, “Why your butt so big?” Well, actually, that last one isn’t so much of a riot.
What would you add to this list?More On