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12 Days of Christmas Fails

Ah, the holidays. A time for love, warmth, cheer … and a glass of wine (or seven) because you’re just a tad stressed out. Here are a few holiday fails that will send you scurrying into the kitchen to comfort-nibble a chocolate Santa after the kids are in bed. (No, kids, he didn’t have a head when you went to sleep last night.)

  • The beautiful cookies that you found on Pinterest end up looking like something out of a charred post-apocalyptic wasteland. Damn oven timer must not work.  
  • All of your carefully selected presents end up mummified with Scotch tape. What’s the secret way to wrap again? Oh, right, you NEVER EVER KNOW.
  • Your beautiful tree turns out to shed everywhere. Because having two dogs wasn’t bad enough. And your 3-year-old with that hair-eating problem that causes her to spit up hairballs. But that’s not something you’re going to worry about until after the holidays, because it’s probably a normal phase, right?
  • You forget to buy presents for your kids’ teachers. Like they really need another reason to hate your kid. Especially after he bit that little girl … which is totally another normal phase!
  • You don’t realize that the “optional” Secret Santa exchange at your mom’s group isn’t “optional,” unless “optional” means “really, really mandatory.”

    image source: babble
    image source: babble
  • Your mom is heartbroken because you didn’t tell her 11 months in advance that you’d be spending Christmas Eve with your in-laws. Because six months is really not enough time, and did she mention how it’s just not Christmas Eve without the grandkids there?
  • The scale says you’ve gained five pounds between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Your husband says it’s impossible; your pants say, stupid husband.
  • Hey, why not splurge and spend $50 on a really cool toy? Because your kid breaks it within one hour. Before you even got a picture of it. WITHOUT INSTAGRAM IT’S LIKE IT NEVER EXISTED, DAMMIT.
  • You schedule your holiday card photo shoot on the day before your period. Because you really need to hear what your sister-in-law thinks about the 10 pounds of bloat in your face. 

    image source: babble
    image source: babble
  • You schedule your holiday card photo shoot without giving Benadryl to the kids first. GET OFF THAT TABLE! DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO THINK I’M RAISING A PACK OF ANIMALS?
  • You forget to bake pies and freeze them ahead of time, like your mom always did. Oh, you also don’t clean your house as well as your mom did. Also — you know what, Mom? Why don’t you just sit down over there and have a glass of wine. No, further. Out on the patio.
  • Yet again, your fashionable present for your husband gets pushed to the back of his closet within days of Christmas. Because it’s not a sweatshirt from the crew team in college with holes in the neck.  
  • The invite says it’s an ugly Christmas sweater party, but you don’t wear one because you assume that not everyone will be wearing them. Except that yes, yes they are.
  • Your sensitive child watches It’s a Wonderful Life with you, and it’s a great bonding moment. And then you have to answer existential questions about life and happiness for the next three weeks.
  • You don’t keep your 10-year-old away from your 5-year-old for the three months prior to Christmas so that he doesn’t tell him there’s no Santa. Well, you know what else? THERE’S NO ALLOWANCE EITHER.
  • Bringing your baby Christmas caroling sounds like an adorable idea. Except it’s zero degrees and now he has a hacking cough … mom of the year. 
  • Your husband actually listens when you tell him you don’t want him spending too much on you this year. Except that a pair of gloves is NOT an adequate Christmas present. ALSO, YOUR HANDS ARE NOT A SIZE LARGE. 

    image source: babble
    image source: babble
  • Your re-gifted Secret Santa present for your coworker turns out to be the same one that she bought for you last year. Oopsie. Where’s the cocktails?
  • Somehow, your mother-in-law is left off your gift list … for the third year in a row after that incident when she criticized your Christmas cookies. Total coincidence, honey.
Article Posted 1 year Ago

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