When I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to be able to breastfeed. I had my own personal goals when it came to how to feed my child and I was determined to make it happen. I mean, it’s natural — how hard could it be?
Fast-forward to four days postpartum and I’m laying in bed at three in the morning wondering what in the world I’ve gotten myself into. How do people do this for months and years on end, when even the thought of trying to get this newborn to latch again is bringing me to tears?
I sat there with dazed eyes and raw nipples, certain I wasn’t going to get over this initial hurdle and reach my personal breastfeeding goal. But I did.
Two years later, and I am experiencing similar feelings all over again, but slightly different. My toddler has started to self-wean, some days he nurses more than others; but as those moments dwindle, I am left with so many thoughts running through my head.
Some of which, you may be able to relate to.
1. “Yay, I can wear fancy bras now!”
After wearing nothing but nursing bras with clips that barely hold together, I was beyond excited to shop again.
2. “Just kidding, I forgot these contraptions are the most uncomfortable things ever.”
As it turns out, nursing bras are kind of like the yoga pants of underwear. (AKA awesome.)
3. “Wait … my baby doesn’t need me anymore?!”
I thought I was excited about this! What are these sudden
4. “OHMYGAH THEY HURT LIKE HELL.”
The toddler won’t settle down for one second and help me out!?
5. “Hey, at least I’ve got my freedom back.”
The best part of weaning might just be this: I can finally go out at night and not worry about getting home before he wakes up.
6. “Maybe he’s not ready … “
I don’t know why I’m trying to rush this. Am I rushing this, or is he?
7. “He’s dropping another feeding already?”
I mean, it was nice that he slept longer, but maybe it was a fluke?
8. “Why do I feel so sad?”
As breastfeeding drops, so do your hormones, and man, do I feel it!
9. “Maybe I’m not ready?”
He’s my last baby, and I don’t want to give up this phase of life. I mean, it’s the last time I’ll ever do this.
10. “Can we still nap together then?”
I love laying down for an afternoon nap with him. It’s a great excuse to catch some zzz’s myself. But, can I still do that if he doesn’t need me to sleep anymore?
11. “How has he forgotten what to do already?!”
The rare time he decides he wants “baba” he latches like he’s four-days-old again?! Not fair.
12. “Where did my boobs go?”
OK … I mean I knew there was milk in there, but I had no idea it was taking up so much space in my boobs. Where did they go? Will they ever come back?!
No matter how the weaning process begins and ends — whether it was your prompting or your child’s — the process can be very conflicting. One moment you’re thrilled to have your body back and the next you realize just how fast time is going and how big your baby has gotten. Either way, you’ll always have this to look back on and yes — you can still take that nap!More On