Parenting is hard, and going on a decade of raising children, I’ve come to realize that the childhood lesson“don’t lie” isn’t something I practice completely.
Sometimes it’s necessary to tell ourselves little lies so we can hold on to a piece of our sanity, and that’s exactly what I do. There’s some comfort in believing — even for only a moment — that I know what I’m doing.
Through sleep deprivation and endless tantrums, there are some lies we all just seem to tell ourselves each day… and it really is for the better.
1. “This is just a phase.”
When your toddler is screaming on the floor.
2. “He’ll eventually sleep through the night.”
18 months old and still counting.
3. “He didn’t notice.”
When you answered the door with your bra unclipped.
4. “All kids swear.”
No, probably not.
5. “The house is going to stay clean.”
For maybe 20 minutes, if you’re lucky.
6. “I’m making a milkshake for me only.”
You’ll end up giving it to your screaming child.
7. “I’ll book their doctor appointment tomorrow.”
It’s just a routine check, and you’ll call sometime next week.
8. “I’ll shower later.”
Later your kid will be throwing tantrums and refusing to nap.
9. “No one saw that.”
When you get back from the bank with cereal all down your back.
10. “They’ll go to bed early tonight.”
After dinner, homework, bath time, and answering all their end-of-day questions, it’s 11 p.m.
11. “This is a screen-free day.”
Well, it’s a screen-free few hours.
12. “This chicken nugget is real chicken.”
It’s food, that’s what matters tonight.
13. “I only turned around for a second.”
Sure, you had to pee, but now your kitchen is a wreck.
14. “I don’t smell anything.”
Your car is less than fresh.
15. “Febreze will take care of it.”
It’s still not clean.
16. “I’ll do the dishes later.”
Yes, when the kids go to bed early (see point #10).
17. “I’m just going to close my eyes.”
It’s a nap.
18. “I know what I’m doing.”
No, but we don’t either.
19. “This kid will be the easiest.”
That is so not the case for me.
20. “I’ll sleep when the baby sleeps.”
You’ll be too busy cleaning up the mess from when you went to the bathroom and the kids were left on their own for 30 seconds.
21. “His diaper doesn’t smell that bad.”
Yes, it does.
22. “I’m not worried he’s not eating.”
No matter how many people say it’s a phase, we worry.
23. “I’m not going to cry at drop-off.”
Those are not tears.
24. “Everyone is going to love this dinner tonight.”
There will always be at least one family member who turns their nose.More On