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6 Reasons I Really Adore My Daughter’s Birth Mom

birthmother
Like most adoptive mothers, I began my relationship with my daughter’s birth parents with a lot of anxiety. What if they don’t like me? What if I don’t like them? Will they be demanding? Distant? Can I handle their emotions? Should I let them see mine? I still don’t have many clear answers, but over the course of my daughter, Clementine’s, adoption, I’ve become really comfortable with her birth mom and the rest of her biological family. Here are just a couple of reasons why:

1. She called me within an hour of Clementine being born.

Her first words were, “Rebecca, you have a daughter!” She invited me to come to the hospital straight away to hold her and take photos even though it would be several days until the foster agency placed her with me.

2. She doesn’t judge me on how I dress Clementine.

While I try to dress Clementine in full photo-worthy adorableness for our monthly birth family visits, I frequently fail. I’m helpless to the juice spills; sometimes a shirt I had planned may be in the wash  … and forget finding matching shoes! (Sometimes she doesn’t even make it to visits with shoes on.) I always apologize to Clementine’s birth mom and she politely responds that it doesn’t matter. It sounds simple enough, but I’ve been in many situations where the birth parents care a lot about the child’s clothing — and this judgement-free zone really helps makes the relationship an easy, comfortable one.

3. She’s connected me to other family members who really want to be involved in Clementine’s life.

Clementine’s bio great-aunt is the glue of their family. She keeps up with who lives where, how many kids they have, and everyone’s health. She calls about once a month to check on Clementine and she’s been an invaluable source of the family’s medical history — which is, and will continue to be, incredibly useful information throughout Clementine’s life.

4. Her favorite food is bacon, egg, and cheese on a croissant.

There’s just something about the rebelliousness of her favorite food (she’s Jewish) that I identify with …. combined with my own love of a good bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich.

5. She is very candid.

From the reason why she was seeking an adoption for her baby, to what she did and didn’t eat, drink, or smoke while she was pregnant, I’ve come to trust her. (And I hope she trusts me as well.)

6.  At least once a month she tells me that I’m doing a good job raising Clementine.

It’s not just the compliment that touches me, it’s the fact that she’s thinking outside of herself to even consider complimenting me. How often do I do that? Almost never. She inspires me to do it more. She has a lot more going on in her life than I do; so if she can do it, so can I.

 

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Article Posted 5 years Ago
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