Have you finally met the mom friend of your dreams, with a similar-aged child, a sense of humor about DIY projects, who also prefers classic Law and Order episodes to The Wire? Before you start doodling “BFF” on your grocery list, plan some of these activities to assess whether your potential mom bestie is the woman you’ve been waiting for, or just some momposter.
1. Drop-off playdates
Yes, the long term goal is for you guys to hang out, maybe even (gasp) without kids! But a good way to assess her compatibility is to see how she handles your kids when you’re not around — drop the little ones off at her house for some quality time without you underfoot and hear the reviews from the mouths of babes.
Too many seasonal crafts, baking projects, and Candyland games (that actually don’t end in tears!) may mean that she’s the yin to your yang … or it may mean you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of your kids complaining that you suck compared to Madison’s mom.
You need someone who understands you, not someone who confidently sweeps into a store and buys whatever she likes without moaning about how it makes her ass look. Well, wait, maybe that’s exactly what you need in your life. Hmm.
3. Dinners at each other’s houses
If she serves filet mignon, prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, and homemade peach sorbet, it’s just not going to work. Because as much as she says she enjoyed your Special Chicken Surprise, you know she doesn’t really want the recipe for something that involves three cans of condensed cream of chicken soup. (Okay, four. And a half.)
4. Kid classes
If you’re the music class mom that lost that CD they gave you on the first day and checks her phone while the teacher hands out the maracas, and she’s the one who replicates the classes at home for her kids and can sing all of the folk songs in two different keys, what do you think is the future of your relationship? Likely flat.
5. Stroller walking
If she has a GPS watch, ankle weights, and Under Armour on and you have an iced latte in the cup holder of your Double Bob, maybe you should fake an “ACL injury” and realize you two weren’t meant to be. Wait, the ACL is in your back, right? No … arm?
6. Pottery painting
You know those people who get really really into crafts and you take them to the pottery place, and you’re focused on the “BYOB” aspect and they’re focused on the “making a vase with my kids’ portraits on it in the style of Monet?” Oh, well, maybe that only happened to me and IT’S A DEAL-BREAKER, PEOPLE.
7. Meeting your mother-in-law
I don’t care if she scores 100% on all the preceding activities. If there is any possibility of her “seeing the positive side” in your mother-in-law’s passive-aggressive offer to “watch the kids while you get a haircut, since you certainly need one,” the friendship is doomed.
Appropriate MIL meeting responses can include “OMG, worse than you described,” “Who the hell still shops at Talbots?” and “You are a saint and I hope your husband appreciates it.”
If your mom-friend passed this rigorous series of tests, then congratulations! You have a new bestie. Make sure your kids know they are expected to marry each other and have babies together, and all pictures you take of them will be utilized at the slideshow during their engagement party. (No, I’m not serious. The slideshow will be at the wedding itself.)More On