7 Things Only Your Babysitter Knows About You

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock

Any seasoned mom knows there are rules that go with hiring a babysitter: how much you bribe pay if you’re calling them on short notice, if you want to stay out an extra hour after you told them you’d be home, or if your kid is extra bratty challenging. Not that I know these things from experience. Ahem.

There are also complicated rules about babysitter referrals. For instance, how and when you give a babysitter’s number out. Personally, I keep my favorite babysitter’s details on lock-down. If you ask nicely I’ll share my second- and third-string sitters, but my primary gem of a babysitter? No way.

A good babysitter is worth her weight in dark chocolate and Cabernet Sauvignon. You know I’m right.

It’s important to keep the babysitter happy. We want, need, and value our date night, book club, or whatever reason we’re escaping our small humans for a few hours. As much as moms want those breaks — need those breaks — we also need reassurance that our kids are being cared for by someone who is responsible, reliable, and fun. So we take care of our babysitters; we show them we value their time, overpay them, and stock the kitchen with their most-loved snacks.

See also: the babysitter has more dirt on your family than anyone else … I mean, it’s true. Here are 8 things only your babysitter knows about you.

1. You never have cash.

Yeah, I know no one uses checks anymore, but c’mon: we’re parents. We never have cash. We argue with our spouse as we’re pulling into the driveway after a night out about whose turn it was to stop at the ATM, which ends with you begging your sitter to accept a check. You tack on an extra twenty bucks to cover the pain-in-the-ass factor of depositing a check … even though she can probably do it with her smartphone in less than two minutes anyway.

2. Your WiFi password.

Something the kids will likely bribe your sitter for themselves.

3. How many boxes of Kraft dinner are in your cabinets.

You might extol the virtues of an all-organic diet and bemoan the evils of processed food with your mom friends, but the babysitter knows the truth about all the “cheese food” that lives on your pantry shelves.

4. Where you keep your booze.

Your hooch probably isn’t hidden but it’s probably not just sitting out on your kitchen counter, either … okay, maybe a bottle of wine, but not your entire selection. Your liquor might not be on lock-down, but it’s a safe bet to assume it’s stored in some type of cabinet and it’s also a safe bet your sitter knows exactly which cabinet.

I’m not suggesting your babysitter is having a boozefest after your kids go to sleep, but I’m sure she could tell anyone exactly what your favorite libation is and maybe even how often it’s consumed.

5. See also: how many empties are in your recycle bin.

The number of wine bottles may or may not be directly related to how well potty-training your toddler’s been going.

6. How dirty your upstairs bathroom really is.


7. What the everyday state of your house really looks like.

Most people make some sort of effort to tidy up when they’re expecting company. You might do that “pre-sitter” cleanup the first few times a sitter comes over (which is totally pointless because your kids will trash your home within the first 20 minutes after you leave).

If you have a permanent fixture sitter, at some point he or she loses their company status. Dirty socks on the floor? Check. That one chair that you can’t actually sit in because it’s piled high with all the crap you never find the time to put away? Check, check. Overflowing cat box she pretends not to notice? Check, check, and check.


Your babysitter probably isn’t out to spill the beans on all of your family’s dirty secrets, but when you think about it, it’s pretty surprising to realize just how much she knows about the daily goings on of your family. Maybe that has something to do with the reason I keep my favorite sitter’s contact info under lock and key …

Nah, I really just don’t want to share her. She’s always on time, my kids like her, and she accepts checks. What more could a mom ever want?

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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