Ah, the first weeks of kindergarten, when a whole new group of bright-eyed young minds get their first taste of the educational system. While the kids are enjoying their new-found independence, we moms are boohooing into used tissues we dug out of our purses. If your child started school this fall, here are the eight moms you’re likely to meet at the kindergarten drop-off:
1. The Craftaholic Mom
Her child’s handmade popsicle stick pencil case and adorable Bento box lunch are your first clues that you’re talking to the reigning Queen of Pinterest. This mom has Michael’s on her speed dial and is packing heat … literally (even if we all pretend we can’t see her hot glue gun sticking out of her purse). She’ll be volunteering to lead the classroom crafts and putting your bake sale goods to shame before the first week is up.
2. The Co-dependent Mom
Between this mom’s death grip on her son’s backpack and his wide-eyed look of pure fear, it’s pretty obvious that these two have never spent a moment apart. Make sure to give them room when you hear the sound of the school bell, because the teacher will have to use a water hose to pry them apart.
3. The Crunchy Mom
If boho skirts and flowery tops are your thing, just follow Crunchy Mom’s quinoa trail through the school hallways. You’ll definitely want to make sure to catch a glimpse of the homemade hemp lunchbox and kale chips she specially made for little Rainbow Sunshine Sparkle.
4. The Control-freak Mom
God help you if you put a marker back in the wrong order, because this mom will smack the Roy G. Biv right out of you. From wickedly sharp #2’s (all the exact same height!) to the minute-by-minute schedule for the day, this mom’s clipboard checklist will put your organizational tactics to shame.
5. The Super Athletic Mom
If you weren’t aware of the school mascot before you arrived, you will be once Super Athletic Mom shows up. Between recruiting kids for tee-ball, replaying all of her son’s latest soccer goals, and hawking school t-shirts, you’ll gladly sign up for the Booster Club if it means you get a moment of peace.
6. The Barely Holding It Together Mom
This mom might seem unfazed, but if you scratch below the surface, you’ll find a woman who is barely holding herself together. Points to her for holding back those tears. If no one sees you rocking in the fetal position in the back of your minivan, it didn’t happen.
7. The Move it! Mom
She’s done this before and has the drill down pat. Backpack on peg, butt in chair, a quick squeeze, and she’s out the door. Don’t judge — she’s got at least two other kids to get to school before her morning is done.
8. The Celebratory Mom
This mom is so hard to see, you’ll almost convince yourself she’s fictional. That’s because she shoves her kid in the door and skedaddles back out again just as quickly as her Lululemon legs will carry her. Your best chance of a sighting is outside as she cartwheels her way to the car, screaming “FREEDOM!!” before burning rubber on her way out of the parking lot.
When my youngest started kindergarten last month, I was definitely a #8 – high fiving the other celebratory moms before dashing out to door.
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