“Did you take a shower today because I don’t think it worked?”
If you’ve had such tactless questions like that thrown your way, chances are you have children … which is why many can sympathize with Johanna Stein, the author and comedian behind the book, How Not to Calm a Child on a Plane: And Other Lessons in Parenting from a Highly Questionable Source.
In a video promoting her book, which was published last April, Stein showcases the various creatively phrased insults and innocent (yet still biting) observations her 4-year-old daughter has lobbed at her. With more than two million views in a week, the video has clearly struck a chord so I asked other moms to share how their own children have pushed their buttons just by opening their mouths. The results will … well, they probably won’t surprise you, but at the very least, they’ll have you nodding your un-showered, stinky head.
“Ma, you are SO much prettier than you were before … That’s a says a LOT, Ma. I mean, you are over 40 … I mean, how many kids can say that about their moms in their 40s … well, unless they got plastic surgery.”
— Ponn Sabra of PonnSabra.com
“Mom, I love you. Even when you stink up my bathroom.”
— Cheryl Reed of TeamReedblog
“How old were you in the year 1000?”
— Rachel Teichman of Oogiah.com
(After her daughter woke her up.) “Your breath smells like stinky butt feet.”
— Darcy Zalewski of Tales From the Nursery
“Mommy, I’m just going to close my eyes and imagine I’m at Grammy’s.”
— Meredith Spidel of The Mom of the Year
“Mommy, you have a belly like on TV. Your belly is like … SpongeBob.”
— Robyn Welling of Hollow Tree Ventures
“Mommy, you look so pretty. Not at all gross today.”
— Meg Resnikoff of What’s Up Moms
(While pinching the skin around her elbow.) “Why is that skin so wrinkly and disgusting?”
— Jane Roper of JaneRoper.com
“Is there a baby in your belly? [Answer: No.] Are there two babies in your belly?”
— Suzanne Fleet of Toulouse & Tonic
Any of these sound familiar? Feel free to share your kids’ best one-liners in the comments section below!
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