If there’s one basic truth of parenthood, it’s that having kids equals a lot of poop. You will deal with poop in one way or another for what seems like forever. You will talk about poop when you are out to dinner, with friends, trying to be a grown-up. You will revolve your plans around your children’s poop schedules and will chart their poops on calendars, with descriptions.
Poop. It’s what parenthood is all about, really.
But here’s a fun twist: What about when it’s the parent, not the kid, with the poop story? Clint Edwards, a fellow Babble contributor and one of the funniest dads on the Internet, now knows exactly what that’s like.
As shared in a hilarious Facebook post last week, Edwards wrote: “We stopped at a gas station in nowhere Oregon, two hours into a 12-hour road trip to a family funeral, when the diarrhea struck. My wife and two older kids were in the van, while I was inside looking for cornflakes with my 4-year-old.”
Only it wasn’t his 4-year-old needing to make a bee-line for the bathroom — it was Clint.
“I had no choice but to take my 4-year-old into the stall with me,” his post continues. “Aspen watched as I struggled, Moana light-up Crocs on the wrong feet, blue eyes wide and supportive, hands clapping. ‘Good job, Daddy! Good job! You make two poops! Now three poops! I’m four!’”
And every parent everywhere is now laughing hysterically.
But wait, there’s more.
“Yucky, Daddy. It’s stinky,” his daughter added, stating the obvious (as toddlers so often love to do).
Clint says she was far more supportive than judgmental, and even calls her “the Richard Simmons of pooping” as she cheered him on in the Men’s bathroom, with her shouts echoing for all to hear.
“I’ve never felt so supported in anything in my whole life,” Clint writes. “She commented on the size, smell, and sound. ‘Wow!’ she said. She commented on my work ethic. ‘You’re trying so hard!’ At one point I had to actually push her face away from the business end of things as she clapped and cried ‘You’re doing it, Daddy! You’re doing it!’”
Clint says he’s pretty sure the man in the stall next to him was holding back tears of laughter, which “busted loose” when his daughter Aspen called him a “poop-farting robot.”
And since I have tears of laughter right now as I write this, I can only assume Clint is right in his assumption about the man in the next stall.
Eventually, everything “cleared out” and Clint and Aspen returned to his wife and their other kids in the car. When his wife asked what took so long, he didn’t have time to keep the story a secret, as sweet little Aspen did what any 4-year-old would do — she told her mom the entire story (yes, start to finish), while clapping. Because of course she did.
Clint tells Babble that this is just par for the course, and says, “I think all parents have a good poop story. There’s just tooooooo much poop.”
So true, Clint. So true. Whether it’s them or us.
“It was like, I wanted to laugh, but I was too embarrassed,” he shares. “And stomach cramps.”
This certainly isn’t the first time Clint’s gotten real about the aspects of parenting that affect us all. He’s also the voice behind the blog, No Idea What I’m Doing: A Daddy Blog, and the author of the recently released parenting book, I’m Sorry … Love Your Husband: Hilarious, Honest Stories from a Father of Three Who Made All the Mistakes (and Made Up for Them). He’s also gone viral for his honest Facebook posts before — like the time his daughter threw a public tantrum, and he penned an open letter to the strangers who stared. Or the time he sent a message to the haters who judged him for putting his kid on a leash. Or the time he gave two “frazzled” new parents a public shout-out, for handling their newborn twins in an airport with ease.
I for one can’t appreciate Clint’s humor or honesty more — after all, parenting isn’t really survivable without it, amiright?