Constance Hall is all of us.
No, seriously. This is a woman who is going viral for all the right reasons. For being honest and real and raw and frankly, hilarious. She somehow seems to capture the highs and lows of motherhood and marriage — the stifling, suffocating loneliness of it all — while still elevating the beauty and power that make women rock.
Heck, even this woman’s tagline — “motherhood, marriage, insanity, friendship, family” — on her personal blog, The Not So Secret Life of Us, pretty much sums up all of our lives, doesn’t it? I mean, throw in coffee and you pretty much have all of my #lifegoals right there in one non-sentence.
You probably recognize Hall from her recent moments of fame, both as the mom in the now infamous “Parent Sex” post and even more popular, her “To the woman at the park” post on Facebook which you seriously need to read right now if you haven’t already.
In the post shared `round the world, Hall wrote:
“To the woman at the park, looking at her phone, ignoring her children, I salute you.
For not giving into the public perception that you should be switched on, 24 hours a day.
For giving no f*s about what ‘constable mother’s group’ thinks.
To the woman with piles of dishes and washing who walks straight out the door for a coffee at her friends,
I salute you. Being a good mum or wife or human does NOT mean spending eternity cleaning your house. If you leave them for long enough your friends will start doing them. Trust me.
To the woman at the doctors surgery, waiting patiently to request some antidepressants, I salute you.
Post natal depression is a rude little c*%t. You are still coping, do not confuse depression for not coping, you’ve taken action, you look like a coping queen to me Too often strength and weakness are confused, strength is asking for help. You are so strong. So many women are going through the exact same thing, they just don’t talk about it.
To the woman who didn’t [lose] all of that baby weight, I salute you. A brand new 24 hour job that doesn’t pay and won’t end for around 20 years is NOT a good time to give up cake. Eat the cake, eat the whole f*ing cake and f* off anyone who dares to say anything. Your post= baby body is not all the sudden free for public commentary.
Lots of love,
A fellow mum, who’s days are full of mammoth fails and micro victories, yet who’s heart still manages to repeatedly explode for the mini army of Love all day.”
Honestly, this woman had me at “ignoring your children” because really, the last thing I need in my life is guilt for checking an email while my kids are perfectly happy and engaged playing at the park. Hall is the mother of four children, ranging from 14-month-old twins to a 6-year-old, and she’s so real about the pressures of modern-day motherhood that it’s almost like looking into a mirror. She covers everything from the pressure of competitive birthing to marriage to the isolation of being a stay-at-home with young kids.
“I wanted to give birth like a hero, like an Olympian. I wanted to be that soul mumma who managed to not flinch during a home birth with essential oils in a spa while levitating … So needless to say, I wasn’t successful at harmonic birthing, I was in a hospital screaming for drugs, they came but never soon enough … I pretty much just lay there loving myself, blowing my doctor kisses while he pulled a baby out of my fanny. I actually even think I had a mild morphine withdrawal the next day.”
Her post on marriage, titled “I love you husband, but I just can’t wifey today,” really got me with all the feels, frankly, on a day I just needed to hear that I was not alone.
“I can’t kiss you goodbye without feeling like work is just another way for you to escape us. Even though I know you’d prefer to be home, there will be no rational thinking today.
I can’t be happy for your pay rise today, because even though it’s technically ‘our’ money, it still feels a little bit like ‘your’ money.
I can’t be patient when you go out and get pissed with the boys today. While I was changing his nappy, your 14 month old son literally just pissed in my eye. I’m pissed too.
I can’t be touched today. Don’t even.
I can’t listen to you complain about work because no matter how shit is was, at least you weren’t alone.
I can’t appreciate the amazing home you renovated for us today, no matter how beautiful or grand these 4 walls look to you, to me, today they are closing in.
I can’t let you shit in peace today, you brought the iPad in with you, nobody takes 30 minutes to shit.
I’m sorry husband, I love you so much, I will try to wifey again tomorrow.”
Right?! And yesterday, Hall continued her streak of being a spokesmother for all of us, encouraging women to love their bodies, exactly where they are, right now. In a new picture and post, she wrote:
She eats the cake!!
She has a past and she owns that shit,
She’s skinny, curvy, flabby, muscly and she loves it.
Because she’s a [edited] queen”
“Love yourself the way you want your daughters, nieces, friends kids to love themselves,” she continued. She challenged women — women who have been told they are “too old or skinny or fat or you’ve had too many kids or not confident enough or for whatever reason you have been made to feel like you don’t deserve to love your body or your self” — to post a picture of themselves with the hashtag #likeaqueen.
And once we do? “Let us sit around drinking self worth a queen vibes from a champagne glass,” Hall says. “Because our royal bodies deserve so much more.”
Well, dang. I think the appeal of Hall, aside from being awesome, is summed up by one commenter who sounds both incredulous and in awe when she wrote, “How come you get to say the things I think I shouldn’t?”
But maybe all it takes is one mama speaking up — for all of us.