Last week, professional vloggers Sam and Nia announced to the world that they were expecting baby #3 in a truly unique way.
Taking advantage of the fact that Nia does not flush the toilet at night (fear of waking the baby = real parenting struggle), Sam snuck into their bathroom and took a pregnancy test for Nia — then surprised her with the news that she was, in fact, pregnant. The video quickly went viral and now has over 11 million views.
We laughed, we smiled, we may have even scratched our heads a little, wondering if Sam’s stunt was cute or downright crazy (or both). But today, we are only doing one thing — sharing in their grief.
In a new video called “Our Baby Had a Heartbeat,” the couple shared the heartbreaking news that Nia had suffered a miscarriage only a day after their announcement video went viral.
Sam and Nia describe themselves as “a small family of four pointing to a big God and vlogging it all … daily,” on their official YouTube channel. Their videos have covered everything from dentist trips to toddler tantrums to their daughter throwing up. Nothing has been off limits to the couple, including their recent pregnancy loss.
“We were so happy,” the couple says to the camera, tears streaming down their faces. “And then bam. It was just … it hit us like a bomb.”
“That’s been the hardest thing for me,” said Nia in between sobs. “When you birth a baby … a baby that’s full-term, there’s this relief when the baby comes out … and it’s like you can take a deep breath again that you haven’t been able to for nine months. And it’s like, as soon as I had my miscarriage I was able to take that deep breath … I stood up and I just felt empty.”
As is the case any time you put anything about your life on the Internet, the couple has been met with criticism. Some feel they announced their pregnancy too soon (Nia would have been about 6 or 7 weeks along) and some are even accusing the couple of faking the entire pregnancy and loss. Comments on the video included:
“This is a terrible loss. But this is exactly why people usually wait until a 12 week scan to tell people that they’re pregnant — complications. Now their pain is very public and they have thousands of people speculating in the comments over the legitimacy of their story. Not to mention having to explain to their very young children horrifying things like this in such a short turn around. Please, if you conceive again, as much as you would want to share with us viewers, keep it as your secret until you know for certain that everything is healthy and well!”
“Fake fake fake. No tears, put on sad faces, dramatic and deliberate sentences and most of all posting it on youtube for the world to see straight after ‘it happened’ come on guys i know your channel is boring but faking a pregnancy announcement video that was awfully staged and then staging a miscarriage video to get sympathy votes? Low. Real low.”
This couple doesn’t deserve our shame or our judgement. We are all traveling this journey of life together with the same goals of sharing our joys and our sorrows and simply because they have chosen to share theirs publicly, doesn’t mean they deserve to be judged any more harshly than the rest of us.
Just as Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg raised awareness about pregnancy loss last week when he announced that his wife was not only pregnant, but experienced previous miscarriages, Nia and Sam are also raising awareness in their own way. By vlogging about their experience, they show us how common miscarriage is and how differently each couple mourns a loss.
Every couple deserves to announce their pregnancies when they want to. There is no such thing as “too soon” to share your news, precisely for this reason. Sometimes couples need to share their loss and grief to cope and that’s OK. This couple deserves our respect, thoughts, and sympathy — not our judgment.More On