Most of the human population has been on Craigslist at one point or another, either to sell an item, search for something specific, or peruse items of interest in their area.
Full disclosure: After moving to a farm this past winter, my guilty pleasure became browsing farm equipment and livestock for sale in Craiglist’s “Farm & Garden” category. Don’t judge — you know you’ve taken a peek at the “Boat Parts” or “Wheels and Tires” categories a time or two!
Anyway, Craigslist ads usually have straightforward descriptions that go something like this:
New tires. New alternator. New fuel pump. New brake pads and brake lines. Runs great. Only needs new spark plug and paint job. Selling it because I bought a newer model. I’ll take $5000 obo.
That’s about it. But I’m probably overstating it. They’re usually not that long. We really don’t need anything more, because we are basically on Craigslist for one reason — to shop.
So when Josh Wood from Amarillo, Texas posted a very long, very funny description in the ad for his family’s 15-passenger van, people took notice in a way they usually don’t on Craigslist. He and his wife, Careese, along with their nine children (yes, nine!) have maximized every square inch of this van — and the description details it perfectly.
He begins by asking everyone to read the description before making an offer, and then launches with this:
The van is missing a speaker in the side door. My kids have been throwing random items in the speaker hole for years. So, you may end up with some very special treasures. Or really old chicken nuggets. Probably both.
As a fellow member of a large family and owner of my own 12-passenger van, I have been fishing random, weird, and even moldy items out for years now. So, needless to say, I was feeling him on this paragraph alone.
But this was my full-blown belly laugh:
“When you open the side doors, the rubber door liner is detached in some places,” wrote Wood. “It still does its job, but it looks stupid.”
I couldn’t help but remember my own fiasco last fall, when I actually got tangled up in our rubber door liner and almost face-planted on our driveway.
The description continues with these gems:
I duct taped the [door lock] button down to keep the motor from running. At some point the duct tape failed and the motor ran until it eventually burned up or something. Anyhow, the automatic door locks don’t work. Each door must be locked and unlocked manually. Duct tape is not included …
There’s a 20″ tv mounted to the ceiling. It works and is connected to an in-dash DVD player. This is a handy feature as it helps distract kids from the intermittent air conditioning and smell of decaying chicken nuggets …
We have had the van detailed a couple times since then (shout out to Xtreme Auto Re-Styling Center for tackling a level of depravity unrivaled in the world of passenger transport.) The van is clean now; but, it will probably always be inhabited by the ghost of vomit past.
And my personal favorite…
I looked the van up on Kelley Blue Book. $4,396. Unfortunately, Kelley Blue Book only allows me to choose between the following conditions: excellent, very good, good, and fair. I chose “fair” since “sad” was not an option. I’ve adjusted my asking price accordingly.
All I could think through my tears of laughter was, This guy gets me. He’s basically describing the past two 12-passenger vans we have owned. This is my people!
No doubt, every large family with a vehicle like this is also raising their hands in the air and shouting at the top of their lungs, “PREACH!”
When I asked Josh why he decided to post the ad this way, he told me:
I was afraid that I would waste a lot of my time and the time of others with far too many conversations similar to the following:
Potential buyer: So, how’s the air conditioning?
Me: Well, about that …
Potential buyer: So, how’s the sound system?
Me: Well, about that …
Potential buyer: What else is wrong with it?
Me: You’re going to want to have a seat. This is going to take a while.
To date, Josh has received thousands of responses to his brilliant ad. Suffice it to say, this guy just made Craiglist a lot more fun for all of us!