If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 280 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. Let’s be honest.
My eight year old wears a t-shirt that says Dad's Little Helper but he doesn't do squat….#dadlife
— Sir Charles (@chuckmcgee28) January 9, 2018
2. Shooting for the stars.
When I was younger I used to want to go to space.
Nowadays my greatest dream is to be able to eat a single meal without having to share it.
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) January 9, 2018
3. Ear ache.
The hardest thing about parenting isn't keeping kids fed or keeping kids alive or raising good humans, it's doing all that while your toddler makes the most annoying sound in the world.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 8, 2018
4. Mom rocks.
Yesterday, my wife managed distract our 3 year old from total emotional breakdown by suggesting he stand on a large rock.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) January 7, 2018
5. Every. Time.
Why does me finally getting to sit down and eat something seem to be the cue for my son to poop? Not the aromatic experience I was hoping for. #momlife
— Mommed Real Hard (@MommedRealHard) January 8, 2018
6. Color us crazy.
i ask my toddler what's in the box she's holding. "chaos!" she replies. "chaos! chaos!" i know she's trying to say "crayons," but it's not like she's wrong.
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) January 9, 2018
7. The irony.
— Isablog (@isablogUK) January 9, 2018
8. The breath test.
Parenting is 82% smelling someone else’s mouth to see if they’re lying about tooth brushing, eating candy, or puking
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) January 8, 2018
My parenting style is best described as "No" with a side of "Ugh. Fine, but please don't hurt yourself."
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) January 8, 2018
10. The poop on parenting.
The truth about parenting: looking another human in the eyes as they poop. #parenting
— Mindy (@bluegrassmama7) January 10, 2018
11. Make it stop!
— Mandi (@MandiCastle) January 9, 2018
12. Wild thing.
I love my toddler, but man, that thing is insane.
— BLT1980 (@blewist1844) January 9, 2018
13. It just doesn’t work.
Saying please to a toddler is like being polite to a tornado.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) January 7, 2018
14. Youth is wasted on the young.
SON: MY SUBSTITUTE TEACHER YESTERDAY WAS SO OLD SHE'S ALMOST DEAD
ME: how old was she
SON: I DUNNO LIKE 38
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 9, 2018
15. A mother’s strength.
I'm sorry fitness experts, but there is no better strength test than trying to put a coat and pair of shoes on a toddler.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 8, 2018
16. Quick fix.
Pro tip: That noise your car's making is no longer a problem if your kids are screaming so loudly in the back seat that you can't hear it.
— SammichesPsychMeds (@SamPsychMeds) January 8, 2018
17. Hammer Time.
I'm like the MC Hammer of moms because I too am constantly telling people not to touch things and also my pants fit weird
— F Word Fitzgerald (@muthr_goose) January 7, 2018
18. Scary stuff.
Couldn't find my purse and I was in a panic for like 5 minutes. I have some really important snacks in there phew that was close.
— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) January 9, 2018
19. Mom marathon.
Them: My goal is to finish two marathons this year.
Me: My goal is to finish putting away the clean laundry the same day that it gets washed.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 10, 2018