If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 280 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. Spot on.
Dry – dry – dry – dry – dry – dry – dry – dry – dry – dry – wet – wet –
– Me trying to find where my toddler wet the bed in the dark
— Chris Cate (@ParentNormal) January 27, 2018
2. It’s simple, really.
This evening my teenager asked the ultimate question every parent dreads: What do you do for a living?
After 6 hours reviewing SOLID, REST, OAuth, OIDC, effective bug reporting, lean startup concepts, cap tables, and a sample P&L – all under NDA – he'll never ask that again
— Danger Casey 🙉 🙈 🙊 (@CaseySoftware) January 30, 2018
3. Syrup 63, here.
Your parent code name is whatever sticky substance is on your floor plus the percentage left on your phone battery. Applesauce 86 here.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 29, 2018
Parenting has turned me into an Uber driver for my own children… just without the tips.
— Ed Stetzer (@edstetzer) January 28, 2018
5. Freaky Friday stuff!
5 yr old complaining about how horrible it is to be a kid, how lucky I am to be a grownup. So tomorrow we're switching places. If you see a kindergartener as your child's neurologist, roll with it. I'll be enjoying snack time. #ftw #parenting
— Amy G Dala MD (@AmyGDalaMD) January 31, 2018
6. Anybody have any rope?
One requirement of good parenting is that, when you're at the end of your rope, you must somehow produce more rope
— Alfie Kohn (@alfiekohn) January 31, 2018
7. Just give cash.
When my son was born I wanted to give him the world. Now I need to give it to him with a gift receipt because he might want to exchange it.
— TheAlexNevil (@TheAlexNevil) January 31, 2018
8. Fill ‘er up!
I am back on that coffee life – otherwise known as PARENTING!
— Perez (@ThePerezHilton) January 30, 2018
Nothing like a black-mold filled rubber ducky to make you question all your parenting thus far.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 29, 2018
10. Asking for a friend.
Are there any parenting books that recommend taking your kid’s iPad, throwing it like a frisbee into a sewer and then spinning and laughing maniacally in the street in front of your house while your kids are asleep inside?
— Donovan Woods (@DonovanWoods) January 30, 2018
11. Mean what you say.
2yo says no even when she means yes, and I’m left with deciphering the level of enthusiasm or attitude behind how it’s said to figure out exactly what she means.
Toddlers are fun.
— Lilly (@misslillytoyou) January 29, 2018
12. Isn’t it ironic?
The same kid that can’t remember where the shoes they wore home yesterday are, can however, provide a detailed account of who did the dishes, the exact volume of dishes and a precise accounting of how difficult the dishwasher was to load for the last three weeks. #parenting
— Shawna Gawreluck (@ShawnaG_NDP) January 30, 2018
13. Financial strain.
— KA Dowling (@KayAyDowling) January 31, 2018
14. Preaching to the choir, kid.
As I change Baby Girl's diaper she says "Ewwww!"
And I'm like, "How do you think I feel?"
— Jacques Be Nimble (@jnyemb) January 27, 2018
15. We gots the germs.
Sitting in a pediatrician office is basically the same as sitting inside of a Petri dish.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 31, 2018
16. Doesn’t seem fair.
I’m amazed at how hard I have to work just to maintain a messy house
— Melissa (@Fiveoclockmommy) January 30, 2018
17. Welcome to the real world.
Teen [showing me her first W2]: They gave me this at work. What is it? Am I in trouble?
Me: Oh you have no idea.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 30, 2018