If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. It’s the greatest show on earth.
Apparently you can't just say, "Not my circus, not my monkeys," and leave your kids at the store.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) June 13, 2017
2. How far can they go?
You know you're parenting right when your child's eyes roll so far back you're worried about damage to their optic nerves.
— darkside (@mydarksidesays) June 13, 2017
3. No feet where we eat!
If you enjoy asking questions like "Whose socks are on the kitchen table," I can't recommend parenting highly enough.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 13, 2017
4. Tired much?
— Emily Kazmierski (@EmilyKazmierski) June 12, 2017
5. How dare they!
My kids are always wanting me to get out of bed and pay attention to them and fulfill their basic needs ugh
— Ash (@adult_mom) June 13, 2017
6. Body blockers.
We need children because there comes that point in life when you need to hide your body behind someone in pictures.#momlife
— SassyWoman (@Sassymomof6) June 12, 2017
7. Let’s face it.
Was repeatedly told how tired I looked last night. Had to finally just say, "This is what my face looks like now." #toddlerlife
— Jessica G. (@JibbsintheHouse) June 13, 2017
8. Scream, sleep, repeat.
It still blows my mind how quickly babies can go from screaming to sleeping #DadLife
— LetsChat! (@LetsChatPodcast) June 13, 2017
9. Who’s side are you on, kid?
You ever tried to lie about your kids age to get that movie or food discount but one of them hollers out their real age? #parentfail
— Steven W. Brown (@comicstevebrown) June 13, 2017
10. Great, now we have to share.
PERSON: kinda sad how quickly babies grow up
ME: [thinking about how i can't eat M&Ms in front of my toddler anymore] oh yeah the worst
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 10, 2017
11. Pondering puberty.
My son woke me at 5:22 am to ask when he would get "a chest hair" so yeah I'm a little touchy this morning.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) June 13, 2017
Netflix should have a "times watched" counter for kids' shows so you can track your slow descent into madness.
— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) June 12, 2017
13. We’re thinking the answer is “no.”
If you don't mutter, "I live in filth" at least once a day do you even parent?
— Melissa (@Fiveoclockmommy) June 10, 2017
14. Best $3.99 we ever spent.
Sometimes having 5 minutes of peace and quiet is worth letting my daughter take all the ziploc bags out of the box. #momlife
— Marie-P Valiquette (@thenorthernfox) June 10, 2017
15. We’re in.
Can we please just all agree to raise our kids to be the kind of people who discreetly tell you when there's food stuck in your teeth?
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 14, 2017
16. “Surpri — oh, never mind.”
At Sam's club waiting to be rescued by my daughter because I picked up her graduation cake and then locked my keys in my trunk. #DadFail
— Patrick Santucci (@krazyglue) June 11, 2017
17. An object in motion stays in motion.
Deciding to have kids also means that you've decided to never sit down for more than 5 consecutive minutes ever again.
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) June 13, 2017
18. “Nom, nom, nom, yummy!”
Almost 10 months in, as a father here's how my time spent parenting breaks down: 15% actual parenting 85% pretending to eat stuff#dadlife
— Bryan Whitmire (@BryanWhitmire) June 14, 2017