If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters, anyway? Not us. So here you go — the funniest tweets from parents on Twitter this week. #YoureWelcome
1. All pooped out.
It's the 2nd night in a row my #toddler decided to cover himself in poop warpaint & go to sleep. In case you still doubted if you want kids.
— Courtney Teague ❄️ (@CM_Teague) July 30, 2017
2. A real value.
Parenting is spending $20 on arcade games so your kid could collect enough tickets to "win" a Tootsie Roll and a bouncy ball.
— Experienced Bad Mom (@ExperBadMom) July 29, 2017
3. They say there’s a whole world out there!
I'm at that point of being a parent where I want to talk about anything other than being a parent.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) July 31, 2017
4. Hear this.
Did you know?
If you hold an empty sippy cup to your ear, you can hear the sound of a toddler crying for more juice.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 31, 2017
5. Urgent information.
Bittersweet parenting is when your 4 year old picks the lock in the bathroom while youre on the toilet to tell you his favourite colour is 9
— Tormented Hot Dog (@Tormented_AF) July 29, 2017
6. Goodnight goals.
Before kids: My goal is to read a book a week, starting with 1984.
After kids: My goal is to read any book that isn't Goodnight Moon.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) July 31, 2017
7. So crafty.
I'm working on a DIY project with my kids.
It's called the "here's how you put clothes in the laundry hamper" project.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) August 1, 2017
8. Urine luck!
House hunters parenting episode:
Realtor: How many bathrooms do you want?
Mom: None my kids pee on the bathroom floor anyway.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) August 1, 2017
9. Are we dreaming?
When both children nap at the same time, and you enter a weird timezone where you can eat without sharing and pee in private. #momlife
— Amanda Fullilove (@afullilove13) July 31, 2017
10. They’ll never look there!
I need a vegetable drawer in my freezer to hide ice cream treats from my family.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) July 29, 2017
11. Worth it.
Letting the kids stay up 4 hours late so I can get an extra 3 minutes of sleep in the morning.
— Amanda B (@amandajpanda) July 31, 2017
12. Tooth truth.
At this point "teething" is just a catch-all for "my baby is being a pain in the ass and I have no idea why" #parentingfail
— Mommy Curmudgeon (@mommywhiner) July 31, 2017
13. It’s a delicate balance.
From what I can tell, parenting is just wishing time would slow down, but wanting bedtime to hurry up.
— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) July 30, 2017
14. She’s got real fire in her eyes.
Reason my toddler is crying: her "eyeballs are hot".
— Mamatoga (@mamatoga) July 30, 2017
15. Murphy’s Law.
After you've had kids for a while, you become surprisingly good at planning for things not going according to plan.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) July 29, 2017
16. We do it because it works.
Netflix and chil…dren.
Because letting them watch TV in the morning is the only way I can get a little extra sleep.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 30, 2017
17. When will we learn?
I have a college degree and yet I repeatedly think it's going to be possible to make a phone call when my kids are in the same house as me.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 1, 2017
18. Parenting purge!
NOTHING makes me happier than throwing things away.
This is what parenting does to a person.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 2, 2017