If you’re a parent with a Twitter account, chances are you tweet about your kids — and often. Some of the things we’ve seen (the good, the bad, and the very, very ugly) are just begging to be shared, and who has the time for more than 140 characters? Not us. So here you go, the funniest tweets from parents on Twitter this week. #yourewelcome
1. Just out of curiosity …
Soon to be 10 year old: What are you going to get me for my birthday?
6 year old brother: What's your favorite thing in my room right now?
— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) December 9, 2016
2. Why don’t you actually stay away from the tree at all times.
*takes picture of son putting ornament on the tree*
Okay, now give that back to mommy and don't touch another one, okay?
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) December 5, 2016
3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!
Parenthood for $800.
Alex: The answer is EVERY DAY.
Me: What is "How often do my kids break things?"
A: That is correct!
Crowd goes wild.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 9, 2016
4. That’ll keep them on the nice list.
We parents need to stop threatening our kids with a lump of coal. It's cruel and outdated.
Behave or Santa will break your iPad, kids.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) December 7, 2016
5. Very mature.
KIDS: dad, can we have ice cream?
ME: we don't have any
K: yes we do…mom must have gotten it
[my kids are trampled as I sprint over them]
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) December 4, 2016
6. Good luck.
Kid: Mom, what's a Hatchimal?
Send prayers. Send wine. Or maybe just send an extra $250 if you have that laying around in a drawer.
— Jill Robbins (@JillRobbinsRJAB) December 8, 2016
7. No one needs to know the truth, yet.
The lies started when I told my kids that Santa's real and now I can't stop. They think mommy makes dinosaur chicken nuggets from scratch.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 7, 2016
8. Just FYI.
Not sure if anyone has a spare scratching post, but my child's informed me he's a cat this week.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) December 8, 2016
9. And they do it all with a crying baby on their hip.
I have a feeling more gets discussed and debated in one day between moms after morning drop off at school than an entire year in Congress.
— charliecapen (@charliecapen) December 8, 2016
10. We sense trickery.
My kid just recalled that I rolled the car 10' without a seatbelt on 4 years ago but the 417,000x I asked her to clean her room? "I forgot."
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) December 7, 2016
11. Staying up to watch “Grease Live” got us, too.
I'm still recovering from staying up too late 3 nights ago, how are your 30's going?
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) December 5, 2016
12. AKA the world is ending.
4- *hysterical screaming* HELP I NEED HELP MOM!
*run frantically to kitchen*
Me- WHATS WRONG!
4- My banana opened funny.
— Court (@Discourt) December 8, 2016
13. We’re sure they appreciate that.
My friends want kids. So I text them at 4 am every night and ask for a drink or tell them my pillow is bumpy . Just to see if they're ready.
— SurvivingMyBoys (@SurvivingMyBoys) December 3, 2016
14. It’d just be easier that way.
Sometimes I feel like skipping the middleman and just spreading my kids' food across the table like their plates aren't even there.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) December 4, 2016
15. Feel free to stop any time now.
*7 has stomach flu
7: I threw up 9 times
Me: I know, Pal
7: Bet I threw up the most of anyone at school
M: 'K, it's not really a competition
— Ho Ho Meh! (@TheAlexNevil) December 7, 2016