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Glennon Doyle Writes Hilarious PSA for Soccer Parents, and It’s Totally Spot-On

If you’re anything like me, you treat your kid’s weekly athletic games like the World Cup. My kid is only 2 years old, and I’m already screaming with delight when she kicks a ball. I can only imagine what will happen when she joins an actual sports team. And if I’m being totally honest, I can’t promise I’ll behave myself on the sidelines when she does!

As parents, our child’s victories and losses often feel like our own. And it usually takes a major reality check to separate the two. Thankfully, we have moms like Glennon Doyle out there to keep us all in line.

The self-professed “Mama Bear” got real on Instagram this weekend after watching her child’s soccer game. It’s clear that Doyle and her wife Abby Wambach have both struggled with impulse control during previous matches, and today was no different.

Soccer Mom 101: 1. When your kid’s game begins: sit down. Get cozy. Look down and check your shirt carefully. 2. If your shirt says one of the following words: “Coach” Or “Referee” – feel free – throughout the game- to yell coachy or referee-ish things. If you do not see these words on your shirt: hush, mostly. 3. This will be surprisingly difficult. Especially if one of you is an Olympic Soccer Player and the other one of you is a Bat Shit Crazy Mama Bear Who Truly Believes that Every Ten Year Old Opponent Who Touches Her Daughter’s Jersey Intends To Kill Her Daughter Dead. 4. SO. Since you cannot be trusted: Bring lollipops. Put the pops in your loud obnoxious mouths as soon as you sit down on the sideline. Let the pops serve as a reminder to you that children are dropping out of sports in record numbers – largely because their parents are behaving like asshats on the sidelines in record numbers. Because Things, in general, are less fun to do when bigger people scream at you the entire time you do them. 5. So Let the kids play. Let the coaches coach. Let the refs ref. You parent- which means yell nothing but yay and good hustle and you got this and good idea and maybe the occasional offside! These seem to be soccer evergreen safe things to yell. 5. Bring lollipops for all the other soccer parents. They’ll think you’re sweet but you’re really just quite tricky and wise and forever on the kids’ side. 6. OFFSIDE!!!!!!! #soccermoms

A post shared by Glennon Doyle (@glennondoyle) on

Now it’s one thing to be a parent cheering your kids on. But Doyle’s wife is no average parent — Wambach is a two-time Olympic gold medalist in soccer!

In the post, the adorable pair are eating lollipops and staring seriously at the camera. Next to the image is quite possibly the funniest and most honest Soccer Mom PSA ever written.

“If your shirt says one of the following words: ‘Coach’ Or ‘Referee,’ feel free throughout the game to yell coach-y or referee-ish things. If you do not see these words on your shirt: hush, mostly,” Doyle playfully writes.

She admits that doing so will be surprisingly challenging for parents, especially if one of you is a World Cup champion, and the other is an unofficial gold medalist in protective mothering!

“SO. Since you cannot be trusted: Bring lollipops. Put the pops in your loud obnoxious mouths as soon as you sit down on the sideline,” she advises.

Doyle encourages us to also bring lollipops for every other family member watching their kids. The treats serve as an important reminder that children are dropping out of sports in record numbers. She believes it’s due to the overly aggressive parents at games.

“Because things, in general, are less fun to do when bigger people scream at you the entire time you do them,” she says.

And when in doubt, stick to the basics.

“Yell nothing but ‘yay’ and ‘good hustle’ and ‘you got this’…  and maybe the occasional ‘offside!’ These seem to be soccer evergreen safe things to yell,” she explains.

The amusing post got tons of attention, with over 28K likes and 1.2K parents cheering Doyle on in solidarity. And plenty of moms and dads shared that they’ll definitely be bringing lollipops to their kid’s next game!

In addition to being a mama, Doyle is a bestselling author and founder of Together Rising, a non-profit organization that helps women and families in crisis all around the world. Whether she’s raising money for an important cause or supporting her children on the field, Glennon Doyle is one awesome soccer mom!

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Article Posted 2 years Ago

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