So your kid learned to talk. Congratulations! Only a couple more years ’til that verbal little angel starts asking you questions that make you squirm in discomfort. Here are some of the most common mind-bending questions that little kids ask, and typical ways that moms evade, I mean, answer them.
1. What were you and Daddy doing in your room before?
Sometimes when grownups are in love, they like to be close. Like, in bed. They hang out, in bed, together. I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK IF THE DOOR IS CLOSED.
2. Why don’t you like Grandma?
Grandma? What are you talking about? OH, you mean Daddy’s mom. Um, I do like her. No, that wasn’t a mad face, it was my tired face. And Grandma really loves you and that’s all that matters.
3. How come you said a bad word?
Because some idiots drive like their heads are stuck up their — I mean, because everyone makes mistakes and don’t tell Daddy so I can keep acting like the parent who curses less.
4. Why aren’t you skinny like Madison’s mommy?
Because Madison’s mommy only has one kid, and now you can go watch TV while I call your father and cry.
5. Why do I never see the Tooth Fairy come?
Because she’s even skinnier than Madison’s mommy. She’s so skinny she’s invisible!
6. Why do we always have the same thing for dinner?
The same thing? Excuse me, I used a different brand of cheese for the grilled cheese sandwiches last night. Pay attention.
7. Why are you always on your phone?
Because modern-day motherhood is isolating and my friend network exists primarily on social media. Want some Goldfish?
8. Why do you always drink wine after dinner?
Who taught you that word? In this house, we say “Mommy juice.”
9. How are babies made?
When two people love each other, they make a baby. No, not with playdough. Well, okay, yeah, with playdough. Good idea. Hey, want some candy?More On