I Never Wanted to Be a Mother

Image Source: Toni Hammer

The path to parenthood begins with a single step. Some first steps are done the traditional way. You want a baby, you do what’s necessary to make a baby, you birth a baby. Easy peasy. Other first steps look a little different — sperm donors, IVF, foster parenting, adoption.

And some first steps resemble tripping and stumbling more than they resemble walking. At least, those were my first steps towards parenthood.

I never wanted kids. I never had that maternal urge, never daydreamed about my kids’ nursery, never yearned for the scent of a newborn. Babies were fine and all, but motherhood just wasn’t something I ever saw myself partaking in.

After throwing up for the last leg of our two-week vacation three years ago, I found myself face to face with those two pink lines. Suddenly I was taking those first steps towards motherhood. Stumbling, really.

This wasn’t part of our plan, our story. We didn’t want kids. But now here we were — looking at an ultrasound of a baby. A human being. We personally don’t believe in abortion, and felt that if God thought we could raise a baby, then we would do it to the best of our trembling ability.

Now that I’m a mom of two — my son was born 355 days after my daughter — I love it. The smiles, hugs, personalities, games, it’s all so good. Just because I never planned this journey doesn’t mean I’m not loving the adventure.

But my change in heart doesn’t change how I got here. The tagline to my blog is still Stories from a mom who never wanted the job because that is, in fact, my story.

If I shy away from telling people about my path to parenthood, I’m not being honest with myself. If I’m not being honest with myself, I can’t be honest with my kids. And if I can’t be honest with my kids, I’m doing us both a disservice.

Regardless of how we got to this place, we’re all moms … There should be no shame or silence as to how we came to be a parent.
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I’m transparent about my path to parenthood because it gives hope to fellow moms who find themselves in similar situations.

I tell my story to give strength to struggling women who feel like they’re not cut out for this motherhood gig and find themselves on the other side of those life-changing pink lines, afraid and unprepared for what’s going to come next.

Image Source: Toni Hammer

Regardless of how we got to this place, we’re all moms. We all have kids we love and adore who keep us awake at night, and running to the coffee pot in the morning. There should be no shame or silence as to how we came to be a parent.

There should be only pride because we brought this kid into the world, and they are alive and happy and healthy which means we’re doing something right — even when it feels like we’re doing everything wrong.

Own your story. Tell your story. Give fellow moms hope and strength and encouragement through your story. We need your story. We need you.

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Article Posted 5 years Ago

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