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If My Preschooler Ran for President …

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock

With all the election insanity going on this year, my preschooler has decided to throw her hat in the ring. She’s pretty firm on the issues, and I do think she’d have a lot of support from younger voters.

That’s right, folks — my preschooler is running for president, and here is her platform:

1. Daily parades are essential for everyone, and participation is mandatory.

Bring your tambourine and reduce healthcare costs through the stress-relieving benefits of a daily parade in every neighborhood.

2. She plans to restore diplomatic relations with the Southern Isles and make Arendelle great again!

How exactly will she do this? Through strategic talks with Hans and the Duke of Weselton, of course. (Duh.)

3. Sophia the First is her top pick for Secretary of State.

My preschooler has appointed Sophia due to her ability to get along well with people of all backgrounds and to effectively manage disputes and reconcile all involved parties.

5. Wear Your Cinderella Dress to the Grocery Store? Yes We Can!

Let’s be honest — if we could all wear our princess dresses to the grocery store, the world would be a much happier place.

6. She will reform the food pyramid.

The largest section being daily smoothies and yogurt — followed closely behind by chocolate chip cookies, avocados, and juice. Lots and lots of juice.

7. She believes strongly in the “separation of nap and bait.”

Specifically, the lack of napping shall not be tied in any way to a specific bait (aka treat). The treat should also be rewarded regardless of the amount of time spent upstairs napping.

8. Improvements to infrastructure will be mandated in all preschooler homes.

Specifically, every home must have a designated princess room and a pool with plenty of floating toys and large sandboxes in their yards.

9. She promises to be an essential advocate for the rights of preschoolers everywhere (to grab attention back from their younger siblings).

The baby giggled? “So what?” she’ll say. “You just did a full somersault and nobody so much as blinked. Take back your right to be the REAL star of the family.”

10. She will increase funding to fully renovate all playgrounds.

On the list of must-haves: Twisty slides, a snack bar, and multiple messy mud pits.

11. She’ll increase access to finger paints for all of her peers.

… And limit restrictions on their usage locations.

12. All towns will have a 24/7 neighborhood shuttle with one final destination: the local ice cream shop.

In conclusion, my preschooler notes that we all deserve to have our voices heard and our basic needs met. (Yes, even if that means shouting these needs at the top of your lungs as your mom pushes you through Target, absolutely mortified.)

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Article Posted 3 years Ago

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