Is It Wrong to “Change” My Kid’s Birthday?

Image source: Serge Bielanko private
Image source: Serge Bielanko private

Can I bend your ear about a first world problem for a minute? I’m asking for major pity here, people.

I have three kids and each of their birthdays falls within a six-week span. In the middle of winter. And what’s even more of a bummer? Their mother and mine are crammed right into the same short window.

Just in case you missed it the first time: They’re all in the dead middle of winter. From Christmastime through March all five of us have our big days. It’s the holiday season, then it’s boom-boom-boom-boom-boom with birthdays.

It isn’t a coincidence that it’s the beginning of April and I’m whining about this. I’m partied out. I’m wintered out. And I’m a year older. We all are.

We never get to celebrate a birthday party without another one having just happened really recently. And we never ever ever get to have a cool warm weather celebration, like say, a swimming party and a bar-b-que or anything like that.

Are you all crying yet on my behalf?

Obviously, birthdays are birthdays. You don’t get to choose them, and you can’t go back and alter when someone is born. Or can you?

I know this idea is a bit unorthodox. But would it be all that bad if I just changed history around a little bit and maybe told a white lie … that lasts forever? I’ve been thinking, could I possibly change one of my kid’s birthdays before they’re old enough to notice? It would be as easy as: “Hey, guess what?! It’s the 4th of July! And you know what that means?! NEXT WEEK IS YOUR BIRTHDAY!”

Practically speaking, it would allow their mom and me to take a little breather from the birthday party onslaught after the holidays, when, quite frankly, we’ve already spent more than we should (again!) on Christmas gifts and all. And it would set things up for the whole family to be able to have some warm weather fun and celebrate at least one person’s birthday when the world outside our window isn’t this mean and frozen tundra which absolutely forbids us to even consider doing anything outside for a party.

The more I think about it, the more I’m tempted to make it happen.

Heck, if I switched my one-year-old son’s birthday from March 2nd to say, June 2nd or July 2nd or August 2nd, he’d never ever know the difference, right? And I wouldn’t have to lie to him, exactly. He is only one, after all.

And listen, even a lot of Bible researchers say that Jesus wasn’t actually born on December 25th. Did you know that? I don’t know why they switched his birthday celebration exactly, but they did and look what happened. Christmas happened. And no one is complaining about that, right?

I know what you’re thinking. Why doesn’t this fool just change his own birthday? Why can’t he just make his own winter birthday into a summertime one? That’s easy. Because I was born on December, 12th. Do you know who else was born on December 12th?! Frank Sinatra! That’s who. And so c’mon, I ain’t giving that up, right?

Anyway, I guess I can’t win. But whatever. I’m not giving up on this idea just yet.

Have any of you every thought about “changing” your kid’s birthday? Or maybe have you done it already?

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