If you really think about it, a baby shower is just an exercise in theater. Plump piles of baby things in pink, blue, or a delicate shade of green are tied lovingly in ribbons and well wishes. The celebration of a new baby is always filled with warmth and loving anticipation. However, once the baby arrives, at some point the bloom always comes off the rose: the projectile poop, the sleepless nights, and the crying. Oh, the crying.
Basically, baby showers are a way of easing parents-to-be into what’s to come. Kill them with kindness before they are forced to go days at a time with no more than 38 consecutive minutes of shut-eye. Still, not everyone agrees that sugarcoating how life will change après-baby is the right thing to do. Specifically, the devious minds behind a new greeting card for expectant moms and dads, who want them to get used to suffering even before the baby is born.
Joker Greeting touts itself as “the best musical prank cards ever” (which begs the question: are there other musical prank cards out there, and are they really worse?). California-based brothers Travis and Nick Peterson have made a card with a picture on the front of a baby sleeping peacefully and a line that elegantly reads, “A Baby Is God’s Sweetest Gift.”
Once you open the card, it says, “The gift that keeps on giving. When you press a button, it plays the sound of a baby hysterically crying. And you can’t get it to stop. For three hours. If you press the button again to try and turn the crying off, it only gets louder. You can pound it with a hammer, tear it, step on it, douse it with water — nothing, nada — for 10,800 seconds. So basically, an eternity.
Travis Peterson is a dad of one with another on the way, so he knows from experience what it’s like to be subject to the unparalleled hell of an inconsolable baby. Despite that, though, he said he thinks the sound of inescapable, incessant crying is the best way to “welcome” others “to parenthood.”
“[The card] strikes a very particular and personal nerve — and yet it is still funny,” he told the UK’s Daily Mail.
It may be comical in the “it’s funny because it’s true” kind of way. For the first seven seconds. For the remaining 10,793 seconds, however, the joke will probably fade. Still, the Petersons probably know what they’re doing, having also made cards equipped to glitter-bomb the recipient, play the sound of a car alarm for (you guessed it) three hours, or even worse, the “Macarena.” (In other words, the Petersons have no friends.)
Are there some people who romanticize what life will be like once they welcome a baby? Of course. Are some of those people annoying? Of course. However, isn’t your karma better off keeping your mouth shut and letting them learn on their own how life won’t always be full of coos and the sweet smell of baby powder?
On the other hand, while three hours is a long time to listen to anything on repeat, never mind the soul-crushing sound of a crying baby, thinking of the karma of the people who send the cards might just be worth the laughter that has the potential to last much longer.More On