In news of the what-in-the-ever-loving-hell variety, a Connecticut man was arrested recently for allegedly giving a 4-year-old child a wet willy.
Yes, you read that correctly.
According to WTNH, 34-year-old Michael Migani approached a mom and her little boy in the waiting room of a local business, stuck his finger in his mouth, and put it in the boy’s ear. When the mom angrily confronted the man, he took off, jumped in a car, and drove away.
Am I telling you an adult man gave a child he didn’t know a wet willy? I am. And if you think it’s funny or not worth calling the cops over, you should think a little harder.
I mean, can you imagine this being your child? I’m trying to envision how I would respond if a strange adult approached my own 4-year-old son, licked their finger, and stuck it in his ear. I would flip out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for wet willy action on 4-year-olds (because if anyone deserves a wet willy it’s those hooligans) but there are a couple of obvious caveats: you have to either be a 4-year-old yourself or be a family member of the kid in question. Even then, if you’re one of my family members, a saliva assault is grounds for immediate retribution by way of a noogie and/or a wedgie. Otherwise, consider a wet willy off limits.
Thankfully, Migani was stopped by police and arrested. He was held on $500 bail and has since been released — but not before he was charged with second-degree reckless endangerment and second-degree breach of peace. He is due in court on Aug. 18.
I was reading several comments from people under various online reports of the incident and a surprisingly high number of folks don’t think a wet willy is something for which someone should go to jail. So if you don’t think this is a big deal, let me rephrase the scenario for you: a stranger approached a 4-year-old and forced his bodily fluid into the boy’s ear, then fled the scene when confronted by the boy’s mother. There is no telling what disease the man has or what weird perversion motivated him to do that to the poor kid. If his intentions were in any way harmless, do you really think he would have fled rather than apologize to the mother and her son?
Bottom line: you don’t put your hands on another person’s child — and you certainly don’t stick your saliva in their ears. I, for one, am glad he was arrested if only to establish a record and prevent him from doing something like this (or worse) in the future to another child.