You won’t read about it on any medical website and you’re definitely not going to discuss it with your doctor, but chances are you have suffered at least one of the following ailments that strike only moms. The only known cure: laughter.
The anxious feeling that somehow, despite the eleventy billion things you did for your children this week, you forgot to do something really, really important.
Weight gain caused by repeatedly downing the mac ‘n cheese the kids left on their plates.
OMG, DOES HE REALLY WANT TO READ FOX IN SOCKS AGAIN?! HELP. ME.
A distressed state of mind involving stained pants. As in, when your child spills his yogurt/oatmeal/milk all over your pants and you head out in them anyway because you just don’t have time to deal … or care.
The uncanny and oppressive ability to smell a poopie diaper — any child’s poopie diaper — within a 100-foot radius.
When your child accidentally pokes you in the eye or kicks you in the kidneys and your eyes fill with tears because that seriously hurt but all you can do is work up a weak smile and tell your little darling, “I’m fine!”
Proceeding through life in a heightened state of sleep deprivation.
iDisease Type 1
The compulsion to capture every second of your baby’s existence with your phone camera, and then get completely overwhelmed figuring out how to organize the bazillion photos you’ve snapped.
As in, baby flab, as in, that roll of blubber on your lower belly that refuses to go away no matter how many crunches you do or how many years it’s been since you gave birth.
An over-reliance on coverup to alleviate the dark circles beneath your eyes. (See also: “Sleepliving.”)
The compulsion to find each and every stray Lego piece in the playroom at night, after the kids have gone to sleep — and not letting yourself rest until you do.
That state of mind, at the end of a particularly insane day, in which you are only capable of sitting on the couch and staring into space.
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