Three-year-olds are insanely adorable and outrageously exhausting. They have opinions, they’ve done research, and they are always ready to argue their point. And if that doesn’t work, they are still so cute when they use their little sad faces, that there is barely a battle a 3-year-old cannot win.
Which is precisely why lately, I’ve noticed that my toddler daughter is a lot like a tiny, pigtailed, sticky-handed attorney with extra foot-stomping abilities. For better or worse, I’m pretty sure my 3-year-old should proceed directly to law school at this point, and below are the main reasons why. Maybe you can relate.
1. She raises her voice to emphasize a point.
While I am not completely sure that this is a skill taught in law school, it is most definitely a tactic I’ve seen used on old Law and Order episodes. This can get embarrassing when she loudly announces in the grocery store, “Mommy, you’ve been shopping for too long. I’ve been patient, but now I need to make a poopy and get a sweet treat!”
2. When she doesn’t get the answer she was looking for, my 3-year-old cleverly appeals to a “higher” court.
For example, this summer our neighborhood ice cream truck driver was quite the entrepreneur. She would circle around at strategic times when she knew kids would be around to hear her music and beg for sugary treats. One afternoon, when I had said no to my daughter’s request for yet another ice cream, she decided to go outside and ask her dad, as if it was a brand new request. (For the record, he also said no).
But then, as was finishing up the laundry in our basement, I heard a little voice upstairs. My daughter was on the phone with her grandma, during which I clearly overheard, “Hi Grandma. I haven’t had much ice cream today, and it is a hot day. Can you come over here so we can go out to the ice cream truck please?”
Unbelievable. (Although I bet other parents of law-school-bound 3-year-olds can relate).
3. She has great negotiation and debate skills.
Only a 3-year-old could turn asking for a new toy into a longer and more in-depth debate than the ones we’ve seen airing on CNN lately. She has good points, plays to her audience, and will smile or pout when necessary to gain her audience’s favor.
4. She has plenty of pink-scented paper on hand.
Sure, this one’s a Legally Blonde reference, but seriously — we have so much pink scented paper. I also could swear I’ve seen her actually execute a “bend and snap.”
5. Working late nights and all hours will come naturally to my toddler.
Since she is used to the demands of waking up at all hours with various complaints (lost socks, sips of water needed, or interesting dreams to relay), I doubt that the evening and weekend work of law school would be much of a bother to my 3-year-old.
6. She’s a stickler for the “laws of the land” … when they work to her benefit.
For example, the rule in our house is that you should clean up your toys when you’re done playing with them. But somehow my little girl only remembers to bring up this rule when it’s time to go upstairs to bed. Suddenly it becomes urgent that art projects cluttering the kitchen table, full of glitter and glue and buttons, are all cleaned up — even if they’ve already been sitting there for several days.
7. She relentlessly pursues every personal injury case.
If little George at school pinched my toddler three weeks ago, you better believe that she is still talking about it. If Samuel hit her friend Grace, Samuel is getting the stink eye for the next decade and won’t be invited to her birthday party for the foreseeable future. To make matters worse, she carries around a pocket full of Band-Aids at all times — “just in case.”
8. She takes copious amounts of “notes.”
Whether these are taken in a coloring book, note paper, or directly on my living room wall, she is sure to creatively document it all.
9. She does not forget a promise and will quote back your exact words regarding said promise.
A promise to go to the playground after music class is as enforceable as a signed contract, because she is not going to let this slide — so don’t you even try.
10. She is interested in product flaws and uniqueness.
Like a patent attorney, she will disassemble an entire elaborate toy to figure out how it works, and like a product liability lawyer, she will always figure out new ways to break it. Really, these companies should just watch my 3-year-old mess up their stuff if they want to look for ways to improve!
11. She has no clue how much education really costs.
Some people are shocked when they get their first law school tuition or student loan bill. My 3-year-old is somewhat similar in that she has no real understanding of the enormous cost of education. When someone gives her a dollar, she happily puts it in her ceramic, tutu-wearing pink piggy bank, and proudly declares, “Well that should be enough money for college!”
I suppose I should just be glad she’s saving.
12. She completely understands her right to remain silent.
And as all toddler moms know, a silent moment is a suspicious moment. A very suspicious moment …More On