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21 Signs That Parenting Has Made You Lose Your Damn Mind

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock

My friends and I used to be cool. We used to do fun things. Now, we spend our days wondering what happened to us and how we went from intelligent adults to crazy people who spend their time bribing their kids to go potty, eat something more than ketchup and Goldfish crackers for days on end, and pleading with them to stop taking selfies of their belly buttons on our phones.

Every parent I know would agree that having children has given their lives meaning, a sense of fulfillment, and a kind of joy previously unimagined. We love our children. We love caring for them. We love watching them grow. Yet, at the same time, we realize that parenting has made us crazy.

  1. You sit watching 45 minutes of Spongebob before you realize your kids are no longer even in the room — and then you still continue to watch!
  2. You spend 20 minutes arguing with someone who can’t even tie her shoes about why she can’t eat wood chips.
  3. You can’t manage to call your child without rambling through the names of his siblings, your pets, in-laws, friends that you haven’t seen in a decade, and random movie stars first.
  4. You finally find your car keys in the refrigerator an hour after you realize they’re missing. And it doesn’t even surprise you.
  5. When you’re out in public, you automatically look up when you hear someone call, “Moooooom!” even though your kids aren’t even with you.
  6. You find yourself singing Disney Jr. songs while cleaning the house.
  7. At a business lunch, you cut up your boss’s meat before you realize what you’re doing.
  8. When you’re exercising and you reach down to touch your toes, come up to touch your hips, and then unconsciously start doing the movements to “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes.”
  9. You’ve left the house with mismatched shoes. On more than one occasion.
  10. You miss your exit on the highway coming home from work because you are so distracted by the quiet in the car.
  11. You start to repeat yourself.
  12. You start to repeat yourself.
  13. When you start to open a candy bar but your kids start running into the room, you stuff it in your bra or pants to hide it from them.
  14. You swear you can hear a baby crying every time you’re in the shower.
  15. You drive 2 miles toward work before realizing you forgot to drop your kid off at school first.
  16. Every time you leave the house, you start singing, “Come on, vamanos, everybody let’s go” even though your children are way beyond watching Dora.
  17. You pay for your groceries, leave the store, and drive halfway home before you realize you left your bags in the check-out area.
  18. You forget important things like your watch, your coat, doctor’s appointments, the names of friends. You even sometimes forget to buy wine!
  19. You search the whole house for sunglasses only to realize they’re on your head.
  20. You search for your cell phone only to realize that it’s in your hand. Because you’re talking on it.
  21. I was going to say something else. Ummm, never mind. I can’t remember what it was.
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