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22 Ways Teenagers Are Basically Just Super-Sized Toddlers

Image source: Thinkstock
Image source: Thinkstock

I have twin teenagers — a boy and a girl. Recently, the two of them did that cute twin thing and simultanously peeked around the corner of the kitchen doorway. For just a second, I saw a flash of them as toddlers. Chubby cheeks, diapered bottoms, sippy cups in hand.

I blinked, the moment passed, and they turned back into teens, but I couldn’t help but think that maybe those toddlers were still hiding somewhere inside my teens. Once I thought it, I started seeing the signs and similarities everywhere. Teens are, in fact, quite similar to toddlers, simply bigger.

How so? Well …

  1. Without insane amounts of sleep, they turn into raging monsters.
  2. Their stomachs are insatiable black holes.
  3. They have funny things on their faces — for toddlers it is that red ring of juice, for teenagers it is acne.
  4. They throw tantrums, especially if needs #1 and #2 go unmet.
  5. They don’t have anything to wear unless mom washed the pink tutu or the special blue jeans.
  6. They don’t quite form complete sentences and rely heavily on grunts to communicate.
  7. They don’t form grammatically correct sentences. For example: “Me tie shwoes,” or, “I was all, like, oh snap.”
  8. They use words their peers understand, but which are mysteries to their parents. See #7.
  9. They are so sweet (when they’re sleeping.)
  10. They give the best hugs.
  11. They have the best laughs.
  12. Having one means mom never gets a full night of sleep.
  13. Having one means mom does a lot of laundry, sometimes on demand.
  14. They make mom want to scream from frustration.
  15. They make mom want to cry with pride, sometimes over the smallest things.
  16. Moms switch their ages to describe them: “My toddler is a total threenager,” “My teenager is 15 going on two.”
  17. They make questionable fashion choices, but insist on dressing themselves.
  18. They can’t find anything by themselves and rely on mom’s super-finding-power without acknowledging it as a super power and without really acknowledging mom at all.
  19. They don’t want mom’s help. Except in the instances of #18.
  20. They’re crazy smart. Ever tried to help a teen with their math homework? Or asked a toddler about dinosaurs?
  21. They’re total escape artists. Teenagers can run so stinkin’ fast and toddlers are unusually slippery.
  22. They have fantastic senses of humor, although we’re usually laughing at our toddlers and with our teens. Usually.
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