Oh, Pinterest. We love you, we hate you, we love to hate you.
If you’re not familiar, Pinterest is this magical Internet land wherein fudgy, calorie-laden brownies commingle with CrossFit workout ideas; where house cleaning tips coexist alongside pins touting “28 Ways to Be a Fun Mom!” It’s all a complete paradox — a place filled with seemingly endless oxymorons. And yet we can’t help but flock there like the Gulls of Capistrano. We scroll and pin to boards with clever names like “Lovelies for the Littles” and “Sweets for My Sweets” even though they should probably have titles like “DIY Projects That Will Cost Me More Money Than Actually Buying the Thing” and “Clothes I Like But Won’t Flatter My Mom Bod.”
We spend half the time dreaming up designs for our homes and fantasizing about the gourmet meals we are going to make for our families, and the other half of the time feeling like an overwhelmed failure of a mom for not molding teddy bear faces in our children’s bento box lunches.
And yet, we just can’t quit!
The upside is that we can find solidarity in the fact that we are all in this weird cycle of pinning together. To prove it, I am sharing some insight into the mind of a mom (i.e. me) while perusing Pinterest. Certainly I am only one woman, but I have a feeling there are plenty of other moms out there having very, very similar inner dialogues as they pin.
Me: Oh! 10 Tips for Feeding Your Picky Eater. That sounds useful. *Click*
Pinterest: “Step #1: Buy fun-shaped cookie cutters to turn PB & J sandwiches into a party on your child’s plate!”
Me: Ummm, no. The day I have to dress up peanut butter and jelly is the day I give up on parenting. I get making fun lunches for the love of it, but I mean, if you won’t even eat peanut butter and jelly — which is basically just sugar with sugar sauce — then I have no clue what food on this planet would possibly appeal to you, child. I give up. Check mate. Go raid the pantry yourself.
Me: Oooh! 30-Day Spring Cleaning Challenge?! I totally need to do this. *Click*
Pinterest: “Day 3: Vacuum out all the heating vents in your house.”
Me: WHAAAAAA?! Is this an actual thing that actual people really do? How have I never heard of anyone doing this before? Also, this sounds tiring already. Maybe there’s an easier house cleaning tip to pin …
Pinterest: 10 Amazing House Cleaning Hacks From Real Moms
Me: I’m intrigued. *Click*
Pinterest: “#7: To avoid mealtime floor messes, lay a vinyl table cloth under your child’s chair.”
Me: Meh. That’s what dogs are for. Moving on …
Pinterest: *Photo of a super trendy/immaculately clean living room complete with white couch and cool repurposed barn wood coffee table.*
Me: Totally pinning this living room. I love everything about it. I mean, obviously that white couch wouldn’t work, because kids. And that barn wood might actually give the kids splinters now that I think of it and I’m totally not about splinter retrieval. SO. MUCH. DRAMA. Over a tiny little shard of wood being removed. Last time I thought I was going to have to use actual restraints to be able to get that splinter out of her toe. OK. So yeah … maybe this living room isn’t for us.
Pinterest: *Photo of a cute Millennial with the ever-popular lob + balayage hairstyle.*
Me: I wonder if I could pull that off. Would still be able to put my hair in a top knot? I’ll pin that for later so I can ask my stylist what she thinks next time I have an appointment … in like 3 months … when I can find time to get away without my children.
Pinterest: “Catsuits Are the New Rompers: Why They’re Perfect for Any Wardrobe and How to Style Them”
Me: Pinterest, you’re drunk. Catsuits should only be reserved for Kardashians and even then it’s questionable. NEVER. GONNA. HAPPEN.
Pinterest: “How to Be a Better Mom Today”
Me: *Rolls eyes* Seriously? What could this possibly say that would be useful. Here goes the guilt trip …
Pinterest: “#1: Stop comparing yourself and your home and your domestic skill set to strangers on the Internet. Get off Pinterest and go play with your kids. All they need is you. Just as you are. You are the best mom for your children, so embrace it and you do you.”
Me: That’s the best thing I’ve pinned all day.
*Gets off Pinterest and snuggles on the couch with the kids*