10 Times I Slayed This Parenting Thing Like Beyoncé Slays Life

Beyoncé slays. No doubt about it. Just look at her. There she is, slaying at everything she does. Singing. Slay. Dancing. Slay. Mothering. Slay. Walking, breathing. Slay, slay.

I’ve been pondering the whole Beyoncé situation and trying to figure out how I might get a little of that jelly for myself. Not that I want to shake it down the driveway to check the mailbox in stilettos and a body suit, but maybe I shouldn’t be shuffling out in my slippers and sleeping bag coat, know what I mean?

After pitifully processing the long (loooong) list of differences between Queen Bey and me — short list of similarities: Both human, probably — I realized I had to quit waiting on a wind machine and start tossing my own hair.

That’s right, you mothers. I decided to slay all day.

Turns out, all it takes is a change of attitude and the most ordinary ho-hum momdrums can become spotlight-worthy star moments — it’s all in the confidence. First of all, you need a Beyoncé soundtrack playing at all times. When faced with objections from companions who do not understand that you are awakening your inner goddess, consider earbuds. When earbuds become impractical, play the music in your mind, which shouldn’t be hard if you already tried the first two ways — how catchy are those tunes? So catchy. (Oh, and you might not want to mention around town that Beyoncé is singing to you inside your mind. Just a thought.)

With your soundtrack blasting, you are ready to take on the day with superstar confidence and style. When my inner Beyoncé game is on point, I add a little flourish — a hair flip, a nod, a take THAT — to just about everything I do.

1. When we’re out of toothpaste but then there’s just enough left in the tube I was too lazy to throw out yesterday. MMMM SMOOTH!

2. When I spot a big hole in the newspaper baggie before I make a grab for the dog poop. YASSS!

3. When I send back a signed permission slip on time with a check made out to the right place. I GOT THIS!

4. When the other moms are dissecting a juicy rumor, and I totally know who they’re talking about but don’t say a word. ZIP!

5. When we’re running errands and somebody* desperately needs a snack and I find a smashed granola bar in my purse. SCORE! (*me)

6. When my kid wants something and I’ve just read an article explaining exactly why it’s a terrible idea. DENIED!

7. When my offspring scores a goal or a point or whatever and by some miracle I am actually watching. HUZZAH!

8. When I forgot to go grocery shopping and “plate” a random collection of snacks and now everybody thinks they love charcuterie. BON APPETIT!

9. When someone-who-shall-remain-nameless informs me he needs poster board for tonight’s homework after I’ve already taken off my bra … but I have three markers and a tri-fold display stashed in the guest bedroom closet. BAM!

10. When I suggest a big purchase right before my husband dozes off and the next day he thinks it was all his idea. TAKE THAT!

C’mon moms, you know who run the world. Work it.

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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