Meetings all over the U.S. open with the popular “Two Truths and Lie” icebreaker game. Each person has to come up with one falsehood and two true statements, and then everyone else tries to guess which one is the lie.
For example, Joe says his dad is only 5’2”, he’s from Texas, and he hates peas – but he really loves peas. Estelle’s lived in four countries, hates ice cream, and is the youngest of ten kids; truthfully, she’s only lived in the U.S.
But these measured, office-friendly meeting introductions aren’t nearly as much as fun as the messy, chaotic, crazy truths we parents could tell.
Here’s a sample of the truths and lies from parents just like you.
Hi, I’m Claire. My son once peed in my ski boots. I have a secret stash of Trader Joe’s chocolate-covered almonds in my underwear drawer that I will never ever share with my children. Sometimes, I put on my daughter’s plastic dress-up jewelry after she’s asleep and pretend to be Princess Kate, sipping wine in Buckingham Palace while a staff of maids clean the kitchen.
Lie: The chocolate covered almonds are all gone, since my daughter discovered them and devoured them in one sitting.
Hi, I’m Jim. The other night, my baby threw up a little bit in my mouth, I once tied my kid to his chair until he finished dinner, and, in one ill-advised moment, I told my daughter that Barney was in a car accident so I wouldn’t have to watch that show one more time.
Lie: The throw-up is, unfortunately, all too true and, yes, I did break my daughter’s Barney-loving heart. I haven’t tied my kid to his chair. Yet.
Hello! I’m Sabrina, and I believe that when our golden retriever gives my toddler a tongue bath, it’s just as good as the real thing. I once wore my daughter’s pajama shorts as underwear when I didn’t have any clean laundry. My daughter thinks the word for nipples is nickels and I’ve never corrected her.
Lie: I’ve never worn my daughter’s pajamas. I only wear my own pajamas when I don’t have clean underwear.
I’m Annette. I tell people I’m going to Disneyland because I have kids, but really it’s because I want to ride the roller coasters. I have never brushed my son’s hair and just give him a buzz cut when the tangles get too bad. I once faked sick to avoid going camping with a toddler.
Lie: I went camping. I should’ve faked sick.
Morning. I’m Cristiano. I trained my 3-year-old to bring me a beer from the mini-fridge and told him it’s apple juice for grown ups. When we take a shower after swimming, my son insists that I have an elephant trunk between my legs. He also thinks milk will soon shoot out of his belly button to feed the baby and will cry if you tell him differently.
Lie: It’s all true. Since my wife had our third baby, I’m too tired to think of good lies anymore.
I’m Elle. I once colored my tooth black with a marker and told my kids it was because I forgot to brush my teeth – and now they brush every single night without fail. I put headphones in during my lunch break not because I’m listening to music, but so that I will have 30 minutes of perfect silence in my day. My toddler cries when he sees people drinking soda because I told him it turns your hair green.
Lie: My toddler now tries to drink soda behind my back because he really wants green hair. Parenting fail.
I’m Jen. One Christmas, I fell asleep and forgot to put the presents under the tree, and told my son that Santa just left them in the coat closet that year. I sneak all of the Snickers bars out of my son’s Halloween candy stash after he’s asleep. My son likes to take tampons out of my purse and push the applicator so they shoot out. He calls them mama rockets.
Lie: I don’t wait for my son to fall asleep to take the Snickers bars. I just told him that all kids give their parents Halloween candy as payment for taking them Trick-or-Treating.
Now, it’s your turn. Give us your messy, barely believable parenting truths!More On