Grocery shopping: that thing you barely ever did before kids, but now is the focal point of your week. Well that and cleaning the kitchen. Hashtag glamorous! But who are all the other lovely women you see in the aisles of the grocery store alongside you? Well, they probably fall into one of the following types.
1. The “Yes” Mom
This Zen mistress woman is so chillaxed that she gives in to whatever inane request her kids throw her way. Frosted Cocoa Puffs? Lollipops? Great. Organic cookies at $10 a box? Why not, she’ll serve them during the next play date to intimidate the other moms.
2. The “No” Mom
This woman has only one child and still has standards for what her kid ingests. Ha! Remember when you cared that much? Sneak her kid a handful of sugary cereal.
3. The Organic Mom
This woman only shops in the organic aisle. In order to pay for this habit, however, she moonlights as a stripper. You’re telling me that one melon is $6?
4. The Hungry Mom
You can recognize this woman because her cart is filled with things that actual grownups like to eat, like dark chocolate, the good olives, and cheese that kids won’t touch. Next time, shop after lunch, friend.
5. The Mom Who Really Wants a Tabloid Magazine
You can identify this reality TV lover by her covert skimming of the cover story while she’s in line, and then her wistful look back over her shoulder as she departs, sans magazine. Come on girl, treat yourself.
6. The Mom on a Mission
This woman needs something to bring to a play date, or to bring to a school bake sale, or to bring to her mother-in-law’s house. You can tell by how she bypasses the normal priced goods with a sigh and scrutinizes the overpriced brownies.
7. The Food Allergy Mom
This woman analyzes labels like it’s her job, because, it’s her job. So stop looking at her sideways.
8. The Mom on a Budget
This woman’s face lights up when she sees that chicken breasts are 50 cents a pound less this week, and then she stuffs her cart to the brim to bring home to her basement freezer. God, I wish I had your motivation, MOAB.
9. The Mom Who Just Went Paleo
This woman is in workout gear and has a side of lamb in her cart. Waddle quickly back to the carb, I mean, bread aisle before she can make you feel bad about yourself.
10. The Mom Who Got a Babysitter
How can you quickly tell the difference between this woman and a non-mom? Easy! The glowing smile on her face and how she fairly skips down the aisles singing under her breath. And the dark chocolate ice cream in her cart, which the kids are unaware of and she will be able to eat without anyone bothering her. Reading People magazine, because, hey, you only live once.