Vermont School Bans Brownies, Earns an “F” From This Mom


It’s not quite cake, not really a cookie but it’s nearly as all-American as apple pie and yet a school in Vermont is banning brownies. What’s that, you ask? Why are they killing childhood? I don’t know, but I certainly don’t want my children growing up in a brownie-free zone.

Because when you stop to think about it … is banning brownies really the solution? Why can’t we, as parents, teach our children about good foods, bad goods, and most importantly: moderation? In order for them to have a healthy relationship with food, that conversation needs to start at home rather than be “solved” after-the-fact at school. Just a thought.

But it’s happening. Has already happened, actually. Vermont Watchdog.org reports the switch stems from nutrition mandates required under the new Smart-Snacks-in-Schools program in effect for public schools. The ban applies to a la carte lunch items, vending machines, and fundraising events between midnight and half an hour after school.

What is planned for the gaping hole the brownies have left in my heart and the school lunch menu? Wait for it … “New hoped-for kid favorites like fruit shish kebab, kale, and even gluten-free paleo lemon bars.”

Stop it right now, America! I get that we have an obesity epidemic and nobody needs to be housing brownies like they’re going to be banned the next day but kale? Kale? At some point you have to just let us live our lives and have a freaking brownie.

I’m not the only one outraged by the loss of the brownie. Those in charge of fundraisers that often rely on the sale of brownies and other baked goods aren’t very happy with the new guidelines. To address the fundraising dilemma created by new mandates, as Watchdog.org notes, “some nutrition sites suggest fundraisers that offer gluten-free, vegan, and paleo diet options such as sugar-free paleo lemon bars.”

Hahahahahaha. They’re pushing those sugar-free, gluten-free paleo lemon cars harder than Common Core Math.

Good luck with that. Me? I’ll just be over here eating this brownie I made and stone cold tripping out on the fact that we live in a time when brownies are being banned from our learning institutions but it’s perfectly acceptable for a 9-year-old to hit the firing range with an uzi. Well done, America.


Image courtesy of ThinkStock


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