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What I Say to My Kids vs. What I Really Mean

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock

Sometimes making the effort to be truthful with my kids is just not worth it. After all, sometimes being honest only leads to more questions. And seriously, when it comes to parenting, no one needs more questions. Below are some of the things I say to my kids, versus what I really mean. Because when it comes to kids, honesty isn’t always the best policy. (Really, it isn’t even the second-best policy.)

When I want to stay on the couch:

I say: “Let’s just have a nice afternoon at home.”

But I really mean: “We are staying home because whatever it is that you want to do, I just won’t want to.”

When my kid wants to go to Disneyland:

I say: “We are only able to invite one friend to Disneyland.”

But I really mean: “To have to watch over you and TWO of your friends for an entire day at Disneyland will literally crush my will to live.”

When I don’t want to help with homework:

I say:  “You will learn more if you do your math homework by yourself instead of me helping you.”

But I really mean: “I suck at math and am of no help whatsoever.”

When I want the last cookie:

I say: “You want popsicles for desserts? They’re awesome, and you can have one all to yourself!”

But I really mean: “There are only three chocolate chip cookies left, and I sure as hell ain’t gonna share them with you.”

When I need to watch House of Cards:

I say: “You look tired. You need to go to bed early tonight.”

But I really mean: “I am THIS close to finishing season three of House of Cards, but if I have to stay up even past 10:15, I’ll never make it through the finale.”

When I refuse to make a decision:

I say: “Ask your mother.”

But I really mean: “I am completely bailing on any sort of decision making for the next 27 minutes.”

When my kid does something bad (but kinda cool):

I say: “I never did that at your age.”

But I really mean: “Oh, man. I SO did that at your age.”

When my kids won’t wear their new clothes:

I say: “You should wear that new T-shirt I bought you. It’s super cool.”

But I really mean:  “I JUST SPENT A BUNCH OF MONEY ON CLOTHES FOR YOU AND I WILL NOT HAVE IT GO TO WASTE.”

When I’m in a fight with my wife:

I say: “Mom and I aren’t fighting. We’re discussing.”

But I really mean:  “Mom and I are totally fighting.”

When I want to secretly brag about my kid:

I say: “I think people really want to know how well you did in your karate tournament.”

But I really mean: “Please tell everyone you see how great you did so I don’t have to, as I’ll look like an annoying jerk. Yeah, I’m putting it all on you.”

When we need to exercise:

I say:  “Come on! Exercise is fun!”

But I really mean: “Exercise is the exact opposite of fun, but feeling guilty about the double cheeseburger I ate last night is worse.”

When I am not going to buy that toy:

I say: “I promise I will get that toy for you on your birthday.”

But I really mean: “I am putting off buying this toy in the hopes that in a week from now you will completely forget about it, and I will never actually have to buy it for you.”

(Note: This works about 37 percent of the time, but I keep doing it in hopes of bumping up that average.)

When I actually tell the truth:

I say: “Because I said so!”

And I actually mean: “Because I said so!”

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Article Posted 4 years Ago

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