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It’s Here, It’s Here! The Glorious Sequel We’ve All Been Waiting For

You Have to F-cking Eat

It was the book that changed a generation of men and women. The way “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing” brought together lovers of Coca-Cola, and Gwyneth Paltrow inspires all of Planet Earth to groan whenever she opens her mouth, in 2011, writer Adam Mansbach‘s No. 1 New York Times bestseller, Go the F**k to Sleep, allowed parents everywhere to join each other in spirit from the doorway of their kids’ bedrooms and give them a collective stink eye for not going to f**king sleep. Every. Single. F**king. Night.

All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you can’t go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The f**k to sleep.

It’s what all moms and dads with children under the age of 10 think (and say —  just not in the presence of anyone other than their children. You know, politically correct Child Protective Services and all that jazz). It allows us to know that we are not alone in having given birth to the Devil’s spawn.

And now, Mansbach has done it again. On Nov. 12, he’s releasing another book that reminds us we are part of a community where everyone curses their children thrice daily (at least): This time, in the kitchen. Meet You Have to F**king Eat. Here’s a sneak peek:

YouYou Have to F-cking Eat Have to F-cking Eat

You Have to F-cking Eat

Mansbach3

And while we don’t know what’s forthcoming from Mansbach beyond this newest tome (although we know it’ll be something that will save us thousands in therapy bills and bar tabs), here are some book suggestions should the series continue (please, God):

“Grow Up and Get the F**k Out”

Your childhood has been delightful
You are an adorable little sprout.
The thing is, I’m kind of over you now.
Grow up, and get the f**k out.

“Wipe Your Own F**king Butt”

It’s awesome you’re no longer in diapers.
I’m delighted the toilet lid is shut.
What’s baffling is your refusal to utilize the Charmin.
Wipe your own f**king butt.

“Because I F**king Said So, That’s Why”

A curious child is a lovely one.
However, my well of answers does occasionally run dry.
Please, know that I love you to bits and pieces when I say:
Because I f**king said so, that’s why.

Reserve your copy of You Have to F**king Eat now on Amazon.

All images courtesy of Akashic Books

 

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