You Know You’re a Working Mom When…

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock

All moms work of course, but some moms work inside and outside of the home. This list is for those ladies who lug diapers to the office, who check their BlackBerry during labor, and/or who count the minutes each and every day until they can punch out and head home to start their next job. We raise a stapler to you and all you do!

You know you’re a working mom when …

  1. Your daughter’s first word was “Excel.”
  2. You schedule conference calls around naps — both yours and your child’s.
  3. On conference calls, you claim the noise from your breast pump is “just really bad traffic.”
  4. At meetings, you’ve been known to take notes with crayons.
  5. Your guilt weighs more than your laptop bag.
  6. Instead of a sad desk salad, you have crustless PB&J with a juice box for lunch.
  7. You jimmy up a PowerPoint presentation detailing your son’s first day of kindergarten.
  8. During job interviews, you stress your ability to multitask. When pressed for examples, you cite singing “Let It Go” while playing Transformers.
  9. You pass off the baby puke on your blazer as polka dots.
  10. You cherish the ability your workplace affords you to pee with the door closed.
  11. You try to send emails using your toddler’s LeapFrog tablet.
  12. You tell your kids that you “understand their point” and “see where they’re coming from,” but ultimately “think the ROI would be stronger” if they “synergized” and “strategized” rather than wrestled for the game controller.
  13. You’re an expert budgeter, and are constantly calculating. The equation most frequently on your mind is the amount of time you spend with your kids thinking about work compared to the amount of time you spend at work thinking about your kids.
  14. Using Legos, you and your kids built a to-scale model of your office.
  15. You offered your baby a raise if he would just sleep for 6 straight hours.
  16. Your kids don’t have imaginary friends, they have imaginary bosses.
  17. They’ve called the babysitter “mommy” more than once.
  18. That hand cream you’re slathering on at your desk? It’s actually diaper cream.
  19. Your company-issued iPad contains every episode of Doc McStuffins.
  20. You give yourself six gold stars on your self-evaluation. Six gold stars means you get a treat!
  21. You’ve talked to clients from the garage, the closet and the world of make-believe inhabited by your 3-year-old.
  22. First, you bookmarked an article from the New York Times explaining that “evidence is mounting that having a working mother has some economic, educational and social benefits for children of both sexes.” Then you printed it out. Then you laminated it, so you could carry it, and perhaps even brandish it whenever necessary.
  23. Your calendar has recurring appointments for date nights, sexy time, play dates, doctors’ appointments, grocery shopping, haircuts, exercise, snacks, work lunches, conference calls, flossing and sleep.
  24. You and your child spend an hour brainstorming alternate endings to Inside Out. You lead the session by saying that “there’s no wrong idea, because we’re just spit-balling.” You even offer to flip-chart the suggestions.
  25. You argue that Play-Doh constitutes a work-related expense, since without it you never would have been able to finish those reports.
Article Posted 3 years Ago
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