The Secret Lives of Farm Animals

Farms are a wonderful way to explore different animal breeds, their living conditions, and their habits. Many farms offer exceptional educational experiences, teaching about real work and life cycles. In our country, there is a shocking disconnect between the origin of our food and how it gets to our table. But I’m not here to talk about education. Instead, I want to discuss the secret lives of farm animals.

I hear voices. Voices from the barn.

Most of them are talking about dinner time.

On Sunday, I visited a local educational farm to converse with the barnyard critters. With a small amount of talking followed by intense periods of watching and listening, I learned all about the secret lives of farm animals.  Armed only with my camera and my uncanny ability to read the minds of our fine furry, hairy, and feathered friends, I shot many pictures that helped reveal the true nature of these animals. After nearly melting in the 95 degree heat with goats, sheep, ponies, cows, pig, and yard birds, I successfully unveiled an entire private world in the barn yard. What I discovered will shock and amaze you!

The overwhelming majority of them were thinking, “OMG, it’s freaking HOT today.”

All of the statements in this article may or may not be true.


Shocking Secret Lives of Farm Animals, REVEALED!


  • Desperate For Love 1 of 22

    "Do you have any single friends?"

    All this turkey really wants is a girlfriend. Unfortunately, his tail feathers are misshapen and none of the single ladies want him to put a ring on it. Plus, he looks like a creeper.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Dude, Where’s My Car? 2 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "Seriously man, do you know where I parked? I can't find my ride."

    This chicken is confused. Again. It happens a lot. Maybe it was all the hard-core rock star partying from the 80's.


    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)


  • They Call Me Tater 3 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "I don't know WHY they named me Tater. I was hoping for Shooting Star or Thunder Hooves."

    This pony is named Tater because he looks like a Tiny Potato, or a Tater Tot. End of discussion. Deal with it, Tater.


    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)


  • Pushy Salesman 4 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "Hey there old friend, old buddy, old pal! I would love to talk to you about your insurance policy!"

    Watch out for these pushy goats. They don't take 'NO' for an answer. Before you know it you are buying their 'bundle package' just to get them off your back. Sheesh! Goats these days.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)


  • Still Looking for His Soulmate 5 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "This is my sexy stare."

    Dude, I don't think it's your time.


    (Photos by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Yoga, Not Just For Geese 6 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "Breathe all the way into your abdomen when you are holding this pose. Focus on your core and your breath. Feel the negative energy from that late feeding time this morning leave your body."

    This goose is constantly trying to get the other animals to try yoga. Most of them avoid her because they are tired of hearing about how "centered" and "connected to Mother Earth" she feels.


    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Duck Duck Hide 7 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "Shhh! No quacking ! Keep yourselves hidden! Goose will hear you. I don't want her forcing us into Downward Facing Dog again. No bird should ever pretend to be a dog! It's disgraceful!"

    What they said.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Cow Tries Yoga 8 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "I'm taking Goose off my Christmas Card list."

    Cow should have listened to the ducks.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • So Wrong, It’s Right 9 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "This next pose will really help your neck with flexibility. Picture yourself as the number 2 and breathe."

    No one else can do this. Goose is delusional.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Goose. No. Stop It. 10 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "The final pose is Gooshatha. You swivel your head like this and..."

    Yeah. No. This is not yoga, this looks like Goose needs an exorcism.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Judgmental Cow 11 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "Why do people keep asking me if I work at the DMV?"

    "What is going on with your hair?"

    "I've never seen such unruly children."

    This cow is judging Goose. She is also judging you. And she  just called number 67 at the DMV.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • SBD 12 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "Maybe if I assume this casual stance, no one will know I farted."

    Good call, Chicken.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Sheep Don’t Care 13 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "When I was young, I had to walk to the barn UPHILL. BOTH WAYS."

    Sheep is a pessimist.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Black Sheep is Wistful 14 of 22

    "I always thought I would be a dancer. Even though my parent's never supported me, I loved it.  I had the most beautiful tutus and matching slippers. Then I ended up here because of my family. I didn't want to embarrass them. But I still dream about dancing."

    Sorry Black Sheep. I feel your pain.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Goat is Still Waiting to Talk to You 15 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "Hey! Do you have another minute to talk?"

    Just pretend like you don't see Goat and keep walking.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)


  • What Was I Looking For? 16 of 22
    seriously, where

    "Where am I?" 

    Chicken still can't find his car. He may have forgotten his own name at this point.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)


  • Pony Dreams 17 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "I felt different, so I looked at my reflection in the glassy pond and saw a vision of sparkling white with a large protrusion coming from my head. Then it started to sink in... I'm a Unicorn? I'm a UNICORN! Awesome!"

    Pony dreams are the best.

    (Photo by Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl)

  • Personal Space Bubble, Schmubble 18 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "Let me get comfortable, this is a long one. So there I was, standing at the top of a..... Hey! Wake up! I'm telling you a story!"

    No respect.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Rooster is Vain 19 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "I don't know HOW a handsome Rooster like myself got into a pen full of morons."

    Rooster thinks he is better than the other yard birds. Mostly because of his comb and the fancy way his shiny tail feathers curve. 

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Turkey is Persistant 20 of 22
    Desperate Turkey

    "So I stood under her window last night and sang a song that I wrote for her called 'You So Fine, I Claim You As Mine'.  Today she won't even look at me.  Do you think I should write her another song? Or should I do an interpretive dance next time?"

    Oh Turkey. No.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)


  • It’s Not Bacon! 21 of 22
    Cocky Cock

    "How many times do I have to explain it? It's NOT bacon! It's a COMB!"

    Rooster has a low tolerance for ignorance, which is unfortunate because he lives with chickens.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)

  • Bad News for Pig 22 of 22
    Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl

    "I don't believe it! No. NOOOOOOOOO! It can't be true!"

    Sorry Pig, I thought you knew.

    (Photo by Johi Kokjohn-Wagner)


Read more of Johi’s writing at Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl.
And don’t miss a post! Follow Johi on Facebook!


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