So rarely do people know what to do or say after someone they know has had a miscarriage, so many of us are unsure how to handle situations like these. After I miscarried my twins at 17 weeks, the feelings of loss, sadness, and confusion overwhelmed me. But the kindness from family and friends — old, new, close, and far — got me though many of my days.
I was loved. That was for sure. The niceties I received, by way of words, gifts, and personal time of others (and all listed here), helped pull me from the darker days.
If you have a loved one or dear friend who recently had a miscarriage and you’re struggling with what to do for her, try any one of these — or all of them — because it will make a difference for your friend.
Did you have a miscarriage? What nice things did people do for you that made you feel loved?
1. SEND FLOWERS
Flowers are sweet anytime, but it’s especially nice to have cheerful things around when your friend is so drenched in sadness.
2. DROP OFF A MEAL
It’s not uncommon for women who’ve had miscarriages to abandon daily routines, like cooking or even eating. Food is always a good thing.
3. OFFER HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
The laundry quickly piles up and the dishes don’t get done after even just one day of not getting out of bed. Offer to throw in a load, run the dishwasher, or walk the dog. It really is the little things.
4. SHARE YOUR STORY
Comfort can be found in knowing that we’re not alone. If you’ve suffered from a pregnancy loss or have a story to tell, share it with your friend.
5. SEND A CARD
Nothing’s quite as special as a snail-mailed, handwritten card especially in this day of technology. Just a few thinking-of-you or hang-in-there words can help give her strength.
6. BRING A BAG OF GROCERIES
Facing the world can be a tough step, and it’s likely your friend needs a few things from the market or pharmacy. Ask if you can get it for her. Or better yet, just drop off a bag of staples.
7. TEXT HER OFTEN, EVEN IF SHE DOESN’T REPLY
Keep those loving texts and FB messages coming, because even if she doesn’t respond to all of them, your friend most certainly appreciates them.
8. REASSURE HER IT’S OK TO FEEL ALL SORTS OF EMOTIONS
There’s a myriad of emotions that come along with having a miscarriage. Let your friend know she’s not crazy, and that it’s totally normal for her to feel them all.
Sometimes, you don’t have to say anything. Sometimes, your friend just needs to get it all out. Be there for her.
10. GIVE HER A GIFT
It doesn’t have to be anything big. But a sweet gift that acknowledges her pregnancy is a great way to let her know that you won’t ever forget the baby she didn’t have.