10 Ways Infertility Has Changed MeDevan McGuinness
There are so many things that shape us as a person. We get a giant dose of life-changing events from when we’re kids, surrounded by our family. We’re shaped further by school, friends, and the experiences that we’ve been through. Some changes we go through happen due to life circumstances, meeting someone new, new opportunities, or new struggles.
For me, I can say that battling infertility has in many ways changed who I am. It’s not all negative, but the reality is that it’s not a “pretty thing” to go through and it’s beaten me down a little. I am better for infertility in some ways too, it’s amazing the life lessons you’ll learn when you’re not really looking.
Ways Infertility Has Changed Me 1 of 11
As with any life struggle, infertility has changed a few things about me over the course of the past 14 months.
I Have Lived With a Loneliness 2 of 11
I admit, I know what it feels to be lonely. I felt that way as I battled through the grief of my miscarriages and now that I've been faced with secondary infertility for over 14 months, the loneliness is very real here too. You don't quite fit into the "infertility" category because you have children and those who have never struggled don't understand you either.
I’ve Learned How to Control Less 3 of 11
I am someone who likes to be in control. I want the ability to determine my family size, the age-spacing and which month I get pregnant in. Dealing with infertility, that control was taken away. I didn't and haven't taken it easy, but I am learning.
It’s Made My Marriage Stronger 4 of 11
Infertility is hard on a marriage. It forces you to communicate tough feelings, work out feelings of anger, bitterness, body hate and guilt. It forces you to work on outside the bedroom and make sure everyone's needs are met.
It’s Made Me Face Confusing Emotions 5 of 11
No one wants to turn bitter, jealous, angry and hurt. That happens time and again with infertility as you watch other people become pregnant and not handle it the way you'd hoped (like tell you in person before they make it all over social media). It's confusing when you want to be happy for someone else, but deep down, you're upset. You question what kind of person that makes you and hopefully, realize it's okay to feel, just not dwell.
It’s Made Me Change Some Bad Habits 6 of 11
I have never been really good at making myself a priority. I would make sure all the needs of the family were met before my own and that also translated into my eating and exercising habits. My metabolism went down the hill from eating only one meal a day and never taking time for me was causing me lots of stress. I've learned to fix those bad habits -- eating regularly and making time for me through exercise daily.
It’s Made Me Less Empathetic In A Way 7 of 11
It's not easy to admit and it's not pretty, but it is true. I have less empathy for people who complain about an unwanted or unexpected pregnancy. People who complain over this or that side effect of pregnancy over and over again. It's not a quality I wanted to change in me, but it's true.
It’s Made Me More Empathetic In Another Way 8 of 11
I never really understood the struggles with getting pregnant. In the past, my struggle has always been to stay pregnant, which was a different, but similar ballgame. Now that I've been battling another aspect of fertility, I find myself more empathetic in general for anyone's struggles.
I’ve Gotten To Know My Body 9 of 11
I have been analyzing side effects, symptoms, learning about metabolism and how that affects fertility. I've watched for signs of dehydration, of fatigue, of needing something more and it's all because of inferitlity. I have had a closer ear to what my body is trying to tell me and that's a pretty neat thing.
It’s Made Me More Adventurous 10 of 11
When you have to do the deed with your partner to try to concieve, every other day or daily for months on end, it can get boring FAST. That can have a big negative effect on your relationship and it has forced me to be more adventerous, more loving in other ways and appreciate the small things.
I’ve Got a New Supportive Tribe 11 of 11
There is nothing like the support of others who have or are going through infertility to help support you. I've met some amazing and incredible people. I've learned through them -- grown personally because of their friendship and it's left lasting bonds, which I am thankful for.
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