Pregnant women may have distinctive body shapes, but they also develop some very recognizable habits and tendencies. These are the sweet, compulsive, protective, uncontrollable, very amusing things that preggos do. Sound familiar?
1. Immediately blurt “I’m having a baby!”
… to people who don’t yet know your news so they won’t think you’ve randomly porked up.
2. Occasionally hold one or both hands over your belly and lovingly rub it.
Just to ensure that people definitely realize that bump is a growing baby.
3. Have the occasional freakout over the mind-boggling amount of baby gear out there.
OMG, do I really need a wipes warmer?
4. Crave random foods (not found in your house).
Like when you announce to your husband, at 11:35 p.m., “I could really go for some baked beans!” And when he realizes you have no cans of the stuff and gets dressed to go to the store, you inform him that the craving has passed … but that you could really go for some potato salad. Which you also don’t have.
5. Give the evil eye to any smoker who walks by on the street.
No matter that it’s a public place. How dare they blow cigarette smoke around your unborn child!!!
6. Pee constantly.
When you are not going, you are already anticipating the next time you will need to. Peeing: every pregnant woman’s new hobby!
7. Peer at the fuzzy blob on the ultrasound in the doctor’s office …
… convinced that you are actually seeing what the baby is going to look like. Oh, wow, he’s got his dad’s nose!
8. Vastly prefer cuddling an elongated stuffed pillow in bed over snuggling with your partner.
9. Blame pregnancy brain when you forget stuff.
And then, once the baby’s born, you can blame sleep deprivation.
10. Be a little fascinated by how big your boobs are getting.
11. Look up restaurant menus online and plan what you are going to eat.
As in, the minute you have plans to go out. Because eating is your other new hobby.
12. Bury your scale in the depths of your closet …
… or somewhere else where you won’t be tempted to get on it.
13. Take naps, and lots of them.
Because you have an excuse.
14. Hoard snacks.
If the obstetrician’s office has a basket of Saltines, you will shove a bunch into your bag before your appointment — and then some more on your way out. You just never know when you’ll need emergency rations. When hunger strikes, YOU. MUST. BE. FED.
15. Use pregnancy as an excuse to get out of stuff you don’t want to do.
Say, visiting the in-laws — with a vague mention of “I need to rest up.” Nobody’s gonna argue!
16. Reach a whole other level of TMI.
Think: discussing hemorrhoids and constipation with friends.
17. Go on a maniacal organizing/de-cluttering/cleaning spree before the baby’s arrival.
Because you assume that for the next several years you will not have a second to organize/de-clutter/clean.
18. Glance down and realize that for hours, you have been walking around with a bunch of crumbs on your belly “shelf.”
19. Continuously say different baby names out loud …
… just to see how they sound.
20. Lie in bed with your partner and stare at the kicks and movements coming from your belly as a form of entertainment.
Who needs Netflix?
21. Fantasize about burning your maternity clothes, since you are so over them.
22. Realize they will be the only clothes you can fit into after the baby is born.