It seems as though everyone I know is pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Or at the very least, mostly everyone I know is. Perhaps I’m “at that age,” though I always thought that age was younger than the mid-30s. Whatever the reason may be, there are currently seven friends of mine (plus me) who are pregnant, four that recently had babies within the last year, and one trying — very hard — to conceive.
Today was a day of dichotomous emotions. Certain friends heard their baby’s heartbeat for the very first time after one round of trying to conceive. And other friends found out there is no baby after a failed IVF cycle and over a year of failed inseminations and setbacks.
I am joyful and sad for my different sets friends and their news today. And I got thinking of the hardships so many women go through while trying to conceive.
So I wrote them all a letter…
To the Not-Yet-Pregnant Women of the World Who Are Trying to Conceive,
I’ll spare you the “I’m sorry.” Having suffered my own disappointments while trying to conceive, I know how awful the pity of others can be, save perhaps the few closest to you. I know you feel broken — emotionally and physically — and apologies only serve to heighten that feeling.
So I’ll begin by telling you to go ahead and cry. Ignore the laundry and other daily duties, and just cry. Skip work. Bail on friends. Put down the baby-names book. Cry, woman. Let yourself go. You have every right to be sad. Feel your envy of your friends with babies and healthy pregnancies. Let life stop. And cry it out.
Then, get it together. And Let. It. Go. Pick yourself up from your bootstraps and begin again. Remind yourself why you’re trying so dang hard to conceive in the first place. And don’t lose sight of those reasons. Move onward and forward, even when your heart is breaking. Don’t be held down by your heartbreak. Find the joy — force the joy if you must — and revel in the joy of others, that of your pregnant- and mommy-friends too. Ignore the insensitive comments of others who say that maybe “you should just adopt,” for they do not know how terribly that pains you. Or look them in the eyes and tell them straight-on, “I want to birth a baby, thank you.”
Own your mission and stick with it. There will be days that you want to give up. Days that you question what you’re doing. Hold on to your faith during those times. Or find it. Whatever it may be you believe in, just believe. Surround yourself with love and light, and let it fill you. Do not be defeated by your disappointment.
There is only one way your dream of motherhood will become a reality. And that is to never give up. So cry it out. Hold on. Keep your faith close. And carry on.
A Friend You Didn’t Know You Had
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