I Have Three Kids and Yes I Still Want More

Last week I wrote about the continued discussion in my marriage on the topic of adding more children to our family. I was looking for advice on a pro/con list and wondering if there really ever is a ‘better time’ or a perfect family size. While I realize every family is different, has different goals and customs for their families it always helps me to hear different perspectives and different dynamics from other families.

When I opened up the discussion I was asked in the comment section why I wanted to have more children when I already have three kids.  While I was not expected to be asked that question, writing for a platform like Being Pregnant – I have to be open to these type of questions. I am sure the person who commented is not the only one wondering – just the only one forward enough to ask – so I thought I would take a crack at answering why I want to have more kids.

It is not exactly the easiest question to answer – it’s more of a feeling then anything I can really tangibly put into words. One of the reasons we have this discussion often in our marriage is because we want to make sure they are for the right reasons. There are tangible reasons why we could add to our family – health issues I have get temporarily better when I am pregnant, one last chance to be pregnant and experience all that goes with pregnancy, the feeling of someone missing possibly linked to our miscarriages. Those are not the reasons to have a child. Those are not my reasons for wanting another family member.

Yes, the feelings about those are here in my mind – but I want a child … not to be pregnant, not to feel better and not to replace those I’ve lost.

I come from a family with four children. I watched how busy and chaotic things got at times for my parents. I also know how much fun growing up was having two brothers and a sister. I also know how much I cherish my relationships with my siblings now that I am older.  I have grown up thinking I would like to have five children when I grew up and while I realize five might not be ideal for our family (due to our family’s age spacing, career goals etc) I do believe that adding another child to our family can have a positive effect.

For the most part though it honestly is just a feeling.  A strong one that no matter how much I try to talk myself out of it – that feeling is there.

:: How did you decide how large you would like your family to be? ::

Read more from Devan on Accustomed ChaosUnspoken Grief
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Photo credit: Adapted from Keoni Cabral via Flickr


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