This post is written — half — jokingly.
Looking for a sperm donor is no easy task, and trying to get pregnant with the help of assisted reproductive technologies is even more of a struggle.
Sometimes you begin to lose your mind a little.
Ideas that you know to be completely ridiculous begin to sound totally sane — because so much of the fertility journey is hard to comprehend, far-out ideas seem not so absurd.
For instance, the first time I ever injected myself with a fertility drug, I thought, “This is nuts. This is so wrong. This isn’t how babies are made.” But it isn’t nuts. It’s reality for so many women, myself included. And it most certainly is how many babies (more and more every year) are made.
We’ve used up all the sperm of our first donor, which — by the way — it took us over two months to pick him out of the seemingly endless donor profiles. So, we’re back to Square One: finding a sperm donor. You can’t even begin to imagine how tough this task is. We’ve since thought of maybe using someone “known.” And ever since our first conversation about it, I see sperm everywhere.
Or, at least, potential donors in every random guy I meet. It’s pretty outrageous how badly a lesbian can want sperm. Don’t worry, the irony is not lost on me.
This is my list of the 9 totally random dudes I almost asked for sperm. And by “almost asked,” I mean “briefly crossed my mind.” Thank goodness sanity came back to me. Or has it …
A Parking Garage Attendant 1 of 9
I left my old job, which provided parking, about four weeks ago — right around the time we ran out of the donor sperm we had. Shortly thereafter, I thought maybe we should ask the parking garage attendant for sperm. He was clearly a hard worker.
Photo Credit: vxla via Flickr Creative Commons
A Fellow Blogger’s Husband 2 of 9
I work with a lot of really great women, and a man — who just happens to be the husband of one of my co-bloggers. She's adorable. He's adorable. Their kids are cute. Perfect sperm donor! Ummm, total lapse of sanity. Though it would make a great story. Imagine the clicks.
Photo Credit: 123RF Photos
Bartenders. Numerous Bartenders. 3 of 9
Most bartenders I've ever met — and I've met a lot (in fact, my spouse used to be one a lifetime ago) — have seen and heard just about everything. One of two things is going on when I think about asking one for sperm: I've either been affected by the alcohol, or I don't think it would be so strange for them to be asked. How would I even word that?
Photo Credit: 21limited via Flickr Creative Commons
A New Friend’s Husband 4 of 9
I recently met a woman who I immediately liked — and whose husband is about as cool as they come. She's smart. He's smart. She's artsy. He's artsy. They have fabulous taste in music. They're intellectual and cultural. But, I'm pretty sure the quickest way to end a new friendship is to ask her husband for sperm.
Photo Credit: mikebaird via Flickr Creative Commons
An Old Coworker 5 of 9
I used to work with some pretty incredible people, and after I left the job, it actually crossed my mind that I should have asked one of them for sperm. Now he's a state away, so that's out — as if that's the only reason why: like he'd ever say yes! Or like I'd ever actually ask.
Photo Credit: Mr.Boombust via Flickr Creative Commons
My Fertility Doctor 6 of 9
My last IVF cycle got cancelled because my ovaries hadn't responded to the hormones, and I wasn't producing eggs. When my doctor told me I was perfectly primed (not his words) for an insemination cycle — except I didn't have enough sperm for it — these words actually nearly fell out of my mouth, "What about your sperm? Can't we just use some of that?!"
Photo Credit: 123RF Photos
A Childhood Friend 7 of 9
Longtime friends are the best. They know everything about you and still love you. I have one in particular that I've considered asking on numerous occasions. He's great. His parents are longtime friends. But why mess with a good thing?
Photo Credit: daily sunny via Flickr Creative Commons
A Graffiti Artist 8 of 9
I went to school with some pretty cool people. One has become a famous playwright. Another is a model who's fairly well-known for trashy photo shoots. One is a quasi-famous singer. And yet another is an amazing — and legit — graffiti artist. No kids. No serious significant other. No. Strings. Attached.
Photo Credit: Karen_O'D via Flickr Creative Commons
Just About Anybody 9 of 9
Can you see how crazy — and desperate — this whole search can make you? Ideas that are absurd begin to sound totally logical. Wanting to be pregnant, wanting to have a baby and needing a very essential ingredient can make you look at just about anyone as a potential sperm-donor candidate — whether you should or not.
Photo Credit: James Cridland via Flickr Creative Commons
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