50 Rules for My Unborn Son. By Walker Lamond, excerpted from “1001 Rules for My Unborn Son.” On

1. In Monopoly, buy the orange properties.

2. You are what you do, not what you say.

3. Don’t be afraid of pickup games. It’s the best way to learn.

4. Never be afraid to ask out the best-looking girl in the room. You’ll be surprised how often it works.

5. Watch lightning storms from a safe spot. But watch ’em.

6. Offer your seat to a woman, no matter how old she is.

7. Never side against your brother in a fight.

8. Keep a copy of your letters. It makes it easier on your biographer.

9. Don’t be shy in the locker room. They are all thinking the same thing.

10. Spend time with your mother. She’s cooler than you think.

11. Push-ups and sit-ups are all you’ll ever need to build muscle.

12. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait your turn to talk.

13. Know your neighborhood like the back of your hand. Sometimes the best adventures are in your own backyard.

14. When in doubt, wear a tie.

15. If you don’t know what a word means, ask. Before it’s too late.

16. Start a band.

17. When it comes to shoveling snow, the earlier you start, the easier the job.

18. Keep your room clean. One day you’ll have roommates.

19. Make curfew. Sneak out later to meet her. Don’t make a habit of it. You’ll miss the danger.

20. Never criticize a book, play, or film unless you have read or seen it yourself. Art is full of suprises.

21. Believe it or not, a museum is a great place to beat a hangover. It’s cool, quiet, and full of water fountains.

22. Dance with your partner, not at her. But don’t forget to lead.

23. Be cool to the younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

24. Order the local specialty.

25. Drive across the country. Don’t rush.

26. There’s nothing wrong with musical theater. (Everything in moderation.)

27. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

28. When singing karaoke, choose a song within your range.

29. Read before bed every night. A book every two weeks is a good goal.

30. Never post a picture online you wouldn’t feel comfortable showing your mother, your boss, and the dean of admissions.

31. Don’t throw sand or, when you’re older, mud.

32. Take the stairs.

33. There is never an excuse for stealing someone’s cab.

34. Choose a window seat and enjoy the view.

35. Try a hairstyle that you’ll one day regret. I’ll get over it.

36. When handling a frog, be gentle.

37. There is always something that could use a fresh coat of paint.

38. If you make a mistake, forgive yourself and move on.

39. Have a favorite song. It doesn’t have to be hip. (The best ones never are.)

40. Until you are a doctor, never answer your phone at the table. That goes for emails, texts, and tweets.

41. If you get yourself arrested, call me. You get one free pass.

42. Help a buddy move.

43. Don’t panic.

44. If you ignore history, it will ignore you.

45. There is rarely a need to raise your voice. At the ballgame is one exception.

46. Never hog a microphone.

47. Keep your word.

48. Send postcards.

49. Respect fire.

50. Don’t litter. Ever.

Article Posted 8 years Ago

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