An interesting thing happens when you get pregnant: New Year’s Eve, that funnest of fun holidays, can become a source of dread. And not just the “too much pressure to have fun” dread that you may have felt in your pre-pregnant days, when a quiet New Year’s at home was an act of civil disobedience. Now your alienation from the mandated good time of the New Year’s Party is no longer a choice. You may still be in the entryway, but you have entered the house of parenthood, and your New Year’s Eve revelry will never be the same. Unless you have a really excellent babysitting hook-up, or your idea of a fun New Year’s party was always an all-ages scene rife with chaos and crying, overtired children. (Cut to my house on New Year’s Eve).
So now we’ve invoked the ghost of New Year’s Future (sorry for scaring you), How about New Year’s Present?
Perhaps the biggest challenge of attending a New Year’s Party while pregnant is the delicate art of tolerating drunk people. Even if you’re living on the edge and nursing a glass of bubbly, chances are good that you are going to be the sober lady in a room full of boozers. You will likely need to become adept at navigating a sea of drunkards while feigning interest, or at least concealing disgust. Drunk people can be kind of gross when you’re pregnant, or even if you’re just sober.
And with this in mind, I offer you Five Tips To Get You Through A New Year’s Party While Pregnant:
1. In lieu of lowering your inhibitions, lower your expectations.
2. Laugh at them. They’ll think you’re laughing with them.
3. If you don’t want your belly fondled, wear something scary. This includes your facial expression. If your defensive postures still don’t work, refer to suggestion #1.
4. Have no qualms about claiming the party’s most comfortable seat and refusing to budge. Make others bring you things. Note: a static position leaves you vulnerable to attack by boring or otherwise intolerable guests. Backup may be required. If backup fails, fall asleep.
5. Seek out the designated drivers. Form an impromptu judge’s table and critique the guests. If there are no designated drivers, find a disgruntled employee. If there are no employees, find a child. If the children are asleep, wake them up. If the parents get upset, tell them you’re really worried about what life will be like as a parent and need to practice.
Whether you’re planning a home or away New Year’s Party, check out this list of delicious, festive booze-free drinks. And feel free to bring your own stash if you’re partying somewhere you won’t have access to a kitchen. No one will mind. In fact, they’ll probably be too drunk to notice.