After three years, multiple IVF cycles, a devastating miscarriage, and countless setbacks … Aela’s road to motherhood has been anything but easy. Follow her story on Babble and don’t miss the latest chapter in her journey below.
When did the timing of your pregnancy announcement become part of the Mommy Wars? Ladies, really.
It seems these days we argue with each other about everything. Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. Co-sleeping vs. crib sleeping. Vaginal birth vs. cesarean. Working mothers vs. SAHMs. The list grows each day, and now it seems that the timing of when you announce your pregnancy has made the list.
I announced my pregnancy at 6 weeks just a few days ago, and I don’t regret it for one second.
I know not every woman will share the news this early, and that often they wait until the end of the first trimester. Good for them. If that’s what they’re comfortable doing, I say great. Not that I get a say in it at all — it’s not my pregnancy.
But this? This is my pregnancy.
It’s been nearly three years since I was last pregnant, and that pregnancy ended at 17 weeks when my water broke early. I was well into “the safe zone,” and well past the end of the 1st trimester. My pregnancy was also picture perfect the entire 17 weeks.
My point is that you never know what’s going to happen. When you’ve tried for so long to achieve pregnancy (especially after a loss), every moment is celebrated. And, you know what? If something does go wrong with this pregnancy, I am going to need the support of others to see me through it — just as they saw me through our last loss.
I share my story for a reason. I don’t expect everyone to be comfortable sharing their fertility journey. In fact, that’s exactly why I share mine. When we set out on this road over three years ago, there weren’t many “real life” stories out there. There was a lot of medical facts and websites, but nothing that fully shared what it’s like.
And, for us, part of what it’s really like is sharing the news of our much tried for pregnancy. At 6 weeks.
That doesn’t mean you have to. It doesn’t mean we think everyone should. It doesn’t mean we think we’re better than you because we shared our news first. It doesn’t mean we’re silently judging you for waiting to tell. And it doesn’t mean you have the right to judge us.
In fact, it doesn’t mean anything else in the world other than we announced my pregnancy at 6 weeks.
It’s what was right for us.
This is what I do: I share the steps of our road to motherhood. I was actually impressed with myself that I waited until 6 weeks and didn’t blab it the first day we found out (which was six days after the embryo transfer, or 3 weeks and 3 days pregnant, when I got a very faint positive on a home pregnancy test; the findings were confirmed with a blood test at exactly 4 weeks). The only reason I didn’t spill the beans immediately is because I’ve been suffering from OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome) from the fertility meds, and I’ve been absolutely miserable.
Ironic, no? We’ve waited for and wanted this so badly, and I finally found out I’m pregnant — only to be so distracted by discomfort that I couldn’t even think about or focus on the pregnancy. I couldn’t do anything except attempt to manage my symptoms, which included being on modified bed rest for two weeks.
I finally started to feel somewhat better, and as a result, was able to feel excited about the pregnancy. And then we had my first ultrasound, and we saw a beautiful and strong heart beating away at 6 weeks. My wife cried, and for the first time, while I watched that little beat pulsing inside of me, I started to believe this was real. Finally real.
With so much goodness and love, why wouldn’t we share it?More On