Lady Oven, LLC: Declaring My Womb a Corporation

My company, my policies.

As you may or may not have heard, the sweater-vested candidate for President of the United States, Rick Santorum, is even against abortion in cases of rape. 

Earlier this week he urged rape victims to “make the best out of a bad situation”. As the Huffington Post reports, “a recent analysis of his time as a U.S. senator showed an almost obsessive tendency to talk about abortion-related subjects on the Senate floor.”

Santorum also blasted Obama’s support of women’s reproductive rights as “radical and extreme”.  Riiight.  Radical and extreme, you know, because President Obama supports the fact that abortion has been legal for 39 years now.

Anyway, one television actress has a novel approach to Santorum’s abortion stance.  As reports, Susie Essman says she might just have to register her womb as a company.  It’s not a bad idea as it appears the only thing those nutty right-wing jobs like Santorum can seemingly understand is the rights of is money-making corporations.

You know Susie, right?  She’s the trash-talking wife of Jeff Greene on Curb Your Enthusiasm.  God, I’d love to see a cage match between Susie’s character and Rick Santorum because that would be AWESOME.

So during an interview with DCist, when she emceed NARAL Pro-Choice America’s annual Roe v. Wade Dinner, Essman talked about an abortion she had at 16 and how grateful she was that it had just become legal the year before.   She mentioned how concerned she is about the future of women’s reproductive rights, what with lunatics like Sweater Vest running roughshod all over the damn country threatening women’s reproductive rights.

“If any of these candidates reach the White House the only way to protect my reproductive rights will be to declare my womb a corporation.”

Somebody needs to get on that.  I mean, figure out a way to make it legal to turn our wombs into corporations. Jezebel lists the benefits including freedom to conduct the business of our womb any way we see fit.  “After all, our reproductive organs are sacred job creators—I mean, those fetuses need someplace to go be productive all day, right? And as for abortion, when our uteruses were just plain organs, the GOPers had no problem telling us we shouldn’t be able to get rid of unwanted or unhealthy pregnancies. But now? The choice is ours. After all, choice is at the heart of capitalism. Hiring, firing, expanding, contracting—we can do it all.”

But the best part of incorporating our wombs?  Coming up with a really kickass name.  Jezebel suggests Lady Oven, LLC; Worldwide Womb; Baby Cave, Inc.  Excellent!  If you turned your womb into a corporation, what would you name the company?

You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who where you can read about the abortion she had at seventeen.

Article Posted 5 years Ago

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