My Husband Was Deathly Afraid I Was Going To Ruin the Mattress

It was 2003 and I was pregnant with our first child Z. The doctor had recommended we take a birthing class, so we signed up and were ready to find out what this whole “birthing” thing was.

The only thing I remembered after leaving the class, was the vivid image of the fake vagina with the weird head popping out of it. It was a prop the nurse who was teaching the class had. And it scared me.

I’m guessing that this class was also the trigger for a new concern of my husband’s – the fact that my water COULD break apparently wigged him out. And being the man that he is, who I love oh so much but he’s a funny guy….

My husband became deathly afraid of my water breaking while in bed and ruining our mattress.

The whole birth part, you know where his wife has to push a watermelon sized baby out of her vagina wasn’t what freaked him out. He had this mattress on his mind. It was our first large furniture purchase, and he wanted to make sure that it wasn’t ruined. So what does he do?

My husband puts a TARP on my side of the bed.

LADIES! You know how uncomfortable the last leg of pregnancy is. AND you KNOW how wonky it is to try to find a position to sleep in. NOW imagine trying to get nice and comfy with the crackling sound of a TARP. On my side ONLY.

Trying to be the loving wife (first child people), I smiled, and after a week had a talk with him. He had a solution for the uncomfortableness.

My husband bought me an EGG SHELL mattress pad to go over the tarp – that he cut in half – so again, only my side of the bed was egg shelled and tarped.

I don’t know about you, but egg shell mattress pads are anything by comfy. To me, well they feel like you are sleeping on egg shells and that’s not a fun thought. And to make things even weirder, trying to get out of bed to pee in the middle of the night with a mattress with a tarp and an eggshell mattress pad that was only on half the mattress, resulted in sheets not fitting right and the feeling of sliding out of bed.


Somehow, I made it thru the pregnancy – possibly this is the reason with my first child Z – she came a week early.

I love my husband. I love his quirkiness and his caring heart, for me, our kids and – well our mattress. But this still has me chuckling.

We just bought a new mattress a few months before I got pregnant – please pray he doesn’t try to pull this again. I bought the expensive absorbant mattress pad protector, JUST IN CASE – ¬†hopefully that will keep the tarp away. HOPEFULLY.

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