10 Common New Mother FearsRebecca Odes
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Youll turn into your mother
Becoming a mother is bound to make to you look at the way you were parented. Whatever your opinion of your mothers mothering, you will, at some point, hear her voice coming out of your mouth and wince. Its inevitable; your mom is your first and strongest model of parenting. The key to becoming the kind of parent you want to be, rather than following blindly in the footsteps of familiarity, is awareness. Think about what you learned from your mother and decide what you want to emulate and what you want to avoid.
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Youll lose yourself
Transitioning from an independent person to a parent involves a balance of holding on to the things that are important to you and knowing when to let go of the ideas that are no longer crucial to your sense of self. But growing into a new version of you doesnt mean youre saying goodbye to these parts forever. Will becoming a parent change you? Most definitely. Will becoming a parent turn you into a simpering gushball of baby love, steamrolling all your edges until youre a barely recognizable shell of your former self? Nope.
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Your relationship will never be the same
Okay, this ones actually true. The introduction of a baby into a family will alter the dynamic — but that doesnt mean it will be worse, and it doesnt mean youre going to lose all the things that are good about it. Co-parenting gives you a whole new playing field to operate on. It can take hard work on both parents parts, but when a good co-parenting relationship grows out of a good romantic relationship, your bond will be stronger than ever.
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Youll get a dud
Pregnancy is a big unknown. Youre brewing some kind of baby in there, but much of what hes got in store for you will not become clear until much later, when he grows old enough to express himself. In the meantime, youre faced with a whole lot of existential uncertainty. This can be terribly uncomfortable, but it can also be exciting. If youre feeling worried, keep in mind that whatever youre anxious about is probably unlikely (and even if it should happen, the anxiety is quite possibly worse than the reality).
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5: You wont have enough money
Kids are expensive and the economy sucks — theres no point in pretending this doesnt add up to some very valid anxiety. But worries about being able to provide for your child can take on mythical proportions if you let them get out of control. You may not be able to give your child everything you want (or everything he wants), but theres reason to believe this is not a bad thing. Children who grow up in homes where money is an issue gain some skills that kids with seemingly unlimited resources do not. Budgets teach boundaries and help kids prioritize and learn the value of money management.
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Youll be a bad parent
We live in an age of extreme parenting. Experts promote parenting techniques at every turn, and its easy to worry that you wont be able to live up to the ideal. But who even knows what the ideal is? Everyones got an opinion, and the only one that really matters is yours. Will you disappoint yourself as a parent? Hundreds of times. But that doesnt mean youre bad at it; it just means youre human. And being a good person is a great first step toward being a good parent.
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You wont like parenting
New mothers sometimes panic in the early weeks, months, or even years of parenthood What have I gotten myself into? But not liking being a mother to a baby doesnt mean you dont like being a mother. Kids are always changing, and the experience of motherhood changes along with them. You are bound to have favorite and less favorite phases. So if you find the cute little baby phase boring, dont worry; itll be over before you know it.
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Your sexy days are over
Birth and breastfeeding repurpose the body parts formerly associated with sex. Constant fear of interruption by crying babies makes it hard to relax. Constant physical contact with cuddly babies can pre-empt the desire for sex. But again, baby days are brief. It can take some time to see yourself as sexy again, but it happens eventually. The parents who have the best sex lives are often the ones who manage to retain — or regain — a sense of openness and playfulness in the bedroom (or out of it).
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Your career will go down the toilet
Getting ahead in our workforce seems to require a kind of single-minded workaholic energy. But when children are in the picture, its no longer as easy to spontaneously stay late at the office or stay up all night to meet a deadline. On the other hand, you may feel a greater sense of responsibility or commitment toward your career as a means of providing financial stability. Mothers often find that their careers take a short-term back seat or at least enter a holding pattern, but this often changes as kids grow and daytime care options grow along with them.
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Youll be trapped
Once you cross the bridge into parenthood, there is no turning back. You are forever subject to different rules, amplified vulnerability, and heightened anxiety. Your new reality will become such a part of who you are that your former, relatively carefree life may start to feel like a movie you watched on cable once. This might sound really depressing now, but soon it will seem only sort of depressing. Because that thing parents always say about how they could never imagine their lives without their children? Its mostly true.
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- 5. The Perfect Childhood Isn’t So Good
- 6. Having Sex in a Post-Baby World
- 7. Are You Afraid of Turning Into Your Mother?
- 8. Baby vs. Career
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- 10. Why He Thinks Your Pregnancy Is Sexy